


Answered Prayers

by walshisaweedbrain



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: AU, F/F, but still a touch of enemies to lovers, slow burn kind of, some religious theme on shelby's path, toni is a softie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walshisaweedbrain/pseuds/walshisaweedbrain
Summary: "But there was something else, that something that always simmered at the pit of her stomach and was now threatening to spill over the surface and told her that no, there was nothing wrong with liking girls, with kissing them.God kissing Toni — Shelby felt her cheeks heating up at the simple thought of it. The feeling was exhilarating and her heart fluttered inside her chest.Toni had been so patient and calm, her reassuring presence a balm against Shelby’s reproaching mind. Each kiss a small but deep reminder that she truly didn’t need to apologize for being herself, for wanting, for loving."-Or the one where Shelby gets sent away to her aunt's house in Hopewell Lake from her parents and she finds out that the path to be her true self is not a smooth one but it's one that might be worth it.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 168
Kudos: 474





	1. ...at the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> How to start this mini-rant? Well... let's just say that the idea for this story hit me one day and I've not been able to sleep ever since because of how much I wanted to write it. My hope is that you - the kind souls who will decide to give it a go - will love it just as much as I do.
> 
> One of the reasons why I'm loving writing this story is because it has given me the chance to plunge into some new characters and create some backstories for them that will intertwine with our girls. 
> 
> BUT No need to panic for those of you who might not be that fond of OCs, the focus of the story will still very much be the girls and their lives, but I did find it quite nice to write about some adults that did not majorly suck and actually loved and supported the girls (because let's be real, almost every adult in the show deserves to be run over twice with a car, full offense to them) 
> 
> A few disclaimers: 
> 
> \- I do not own these characters (except the OCs I guess) or the show  
> \- This story is purely a work of fiction and should be taken as such  
> \- Some chapters might contain heavier themes and I will put a trigger warning at the beginning of said chapters for people to be aware  
> \- There is no intention to offend or damage anyone with this story and the people mentioned are purely fictional 
> 
> Wow, now that all of that is out of the way I can only hope you'll enjoy and I'll see you at the end of each chapter :)

**_...at the beginning_ **

Shelby couldn’t help the tears falling when she zipped up the last of her suitcases. 

“It’s for your own good, Shelbs, you understand that right?” her father tried to soften the blow. 

Shelby nodded, more out of habit and politeness than genuine understanding, and brushed away the streak of tears from her cheeks.

How could she understand sending away his daughter to a different country? How could she justify that with the excuse of love and care? And sending her to freaking Hopewell Lake of all places!

She took a deep breath and steadied herself when her younger siblings, Spencer and Melody, came charging at her, arms wrapping around her legs.

Shelby laughed through the midst of tears and the nagging feeling of nostalgia already, bending down to ruffle her brother’s hair. 

“Hey Spence, will you be a good guy for mom and daddy while I am away?”

The kid nodded his head against Shelby’s hip, “Why do you have to go?” he mumbled, words muffled by the clothes on Shelby’s body. 

It was strange to see Spencer acting like that. As the second child and the only boy in the Goodkind family, he always tried to act as if he was older than his age. Shelby sniffled and mustered the most encouraging smile she could at him. 

“Come here both of you.” she waited for Mel to round her and left a kiss on each of their foreheads. 

“We don’t want you to go, Shelby.”

Shelby bit her lower lip and forced herself not to burst into tears again, “I know guys… I don’t wanna go too. But listen, listen, I promise that I will call you every few days, and I’ll ask mom and dad to leave you the phone so it can be only the three of us. Sounds good?” she tried to reassure them, “You can tell me all about school and what you do with your friends.”

Mel gripped her sister’s hand and stared at her almost curiously, “Will you have other friends there?”

Shelby chuckled, “I hope so or it will be extremely boring and lonely.” 

“But you won’t forget about us? And come home soon?” pressed Spencer.

“Of course not, Spence, I could never.” Shelby opened her arms, “Come here, give me a hug both of you.” she held them tightly against her chest, “I love you both to the moon and back.”

Her dad, standing at the doorframe, cleared his throat.

“We’re ready to go, Shelbs.”

Shelby took a sharp intake of breath and steadied herself; with one last kiss to her siblings’ cheeks, she pulled herself up and picked the backpack on the kitchen counter. 

Everything screamed at her not to go, to fall on her knees her beg her father not to send her away — ‘for your own good’ be damned — she looked at her mother with one last pleading look, but JoBeth Goodkind only offered her daughter a trembling smile and watery eyes. 

So Shelby braced herself, pinching the golden cross she wore as a necklace with her thumb and index finger. For a moment she felt the full weight of it, like a noose around her neck.

_‘Your actions must have some consequences, Shelby.’_ — her dad’s voice sounded inside her head — _‘This is for your own good.’_

Good. Good. Good.

She desperately wanted to be _good_. To be worthy of love. To be… the Shelby everyone around her wanted her to be. 

Shelby braced herself, realizing for the first time that she truly had no idea what for but it was too late to waver. 

“Okay, let’s go.”


	2. part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look Shelby, your parents sent you here with me because-”
> 
> “-it is for my own good, yeah I’ve heard that one before, one too many actually.”
> 
> Her aunt frowned, “I was actually about to say because they are idiots.”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Shelby arrives at Hopewell Lake and finds an unexpected ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup? Thought I'd have the first real chapter out soon to get a little bit more into the story. With Shelby in Hopewell Lake we also have the appearance of the first OC which is her aunt and will actually have an important role to help Shelby and Toni later on.
> 
> I know there's a lack of our fav basketball player, but she's having a 5 minutes rest, she'll be here next time and things will start to take off a little bit more :)
> 
> Hope you have a fun read and I'll see you at the end!

**1.**

The plane landed safely in Minneapolis late morning and Shelby stopped holding her cross necklace only when passengers began to leave their seats. 

She knew her aunt must’ve been waiting for her so Shelby hurried to get her suitcases and headed out of the airport as quickly as possible. 

Looking around, Shelby was suddenly struck by the fact that it had been so long since she had seen her aunt Miranda. When was the last time her family had visited the woman? Would she recognize her aunt or vice versa?

“Shelby!” she heard a voice loud and clear and she saw a hand waving in the middle of the crowd.

Shelby made her way through and before she could realize it, she was engulfed in a warm hug. 

“Oh my God, look at you, all grown up.” 

Her aunt’s arms felt safe and Shelby finally released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

Miranda framed her face affectionately between her hands and smiled widely at her, “My God, I can barely remember the last time I saw you… you were such a little princess.”

Shelby managed a smile and lowered her head bashfully, “It’s good to see you too, aunt Miranda.” 

The woman looked at Shelby with something akin to pride and wonder, before offering to take up her two big suitcases. 

“I can-” Shelby’s protest was cut short by a wave of her aunt’s hand.

“Don’t be silly. You still got your backpack and a duffel bag, I’ll take care of these big ones.”

“Thank you.” Shelby smiled gratefully and they made their way out of the airport. 

The ride from Minneapolis to Hopewell Lake was relatively long, Shelby quickly searched up the distance on her phone — one hour and a half away — and she relaxed on the front seat next to her aunt. 

Miranda grabbed a small tray of on-the-way coffee and wiggled her eyebrows at Shelby. 

“I called your mom yesterday to make sure I had the right time of your flight and just casually asked her which was your drink of choice.”

Shelby smiled again and with a slight nod of her head she took the cup with her name on it, closing her eyes and moaning when the first long sip of mocha with whipped cream burned down her throat.

“Good, eh? So, how was the flight?”

Shelby shrugged, “Boring mostly. I couldn’t sleep even though I didn’t have much sleep last night as well.” 

“Traveling nerves?”

“Mostly I don’t understand how shipping their daughter away would solve things kind of nerves.”

Miranda pursed her lips at Shelby’s dry tone. She knew the young woman didn’t have it out for her, but that didn’t make the changes any easier for her. 

“Look Shelby, your parents sent you here with me because-”

“-it is for my own good, yeah I’ve heard that one before, one too many actually.” 

Miranda frowned, “I was actually about to say because they are idiots.”

Shelby turned around sharply, her gaze burning at the side of her aunt’s face, “What?”

“You heard me.” 

“But-”

“But what?” Miranda probed with a smile, “You want to tell me you haven’t thought the same thing even once?”

“I’m not supposed to… disrespect them like this.” 

Miranda huffed a laugh, “I’m not asking you to. But don’t pretend your head didn’t go there faster than you could say a Hail Mary to repent.”

Shelby’s eyes widened in surprise, she didn’t remember her aunt like this. She didn’t really remember her aunt period, if she had to be honest. But surely this was not what she was expecting from her. 

Did her dad truly think he was doing what was best for her? Wasn’t he scared that she could find more… freedom by being away from home?

Shelby flinched at her own thought. _Freedom._

She hadn’t realized what leaving Fort Travis meant. Up until that point, she was only looking at the things she was leaving behind, not at what she could gain. 

Was that what she was really lacking at home? The freedom to be herself.

“You both were caught up in a situation you had no idea how to deal with,” Miranda continued after a long pause.

So they _did_ tell Miranda the true reason why she was going after all. Shelby believed until the end that her dad would’ve preferred to dig a hole in their front yard and bury the kiss between Shelby and Becca there. 

Shelby shook her head, “It was my fault, what happened… I shouldn’t have put them in that position, it was my fault.”

Miranda stopped at a red light and turned to look at her with a mix of disbelief and… was that pity in her eyes? Shelby shrunk under her gaze.

“Your fault for what? For maybe making a mistake? You’re young Shelby, you’re not supposed to have everything figured out yet.”

The words stung, even if her aunt hadn’t meant them in a bad or judging way, she couldn’t help but feeling them wrong. 

It didn’t feel like a mistake to kiss Becca. As brief and new and strange as it was, it was long coming for Shelby. Like something she needed but had not been able to put her finger on until the moment her lips had touched Becca’s.

It had been so pure and innocent and barely a brush of mouth against mouth, the tiniest pressure. Shelby would’ve hardly called it a real kiss. 

But there it was, hanging onto her and Becca first and then onto her and her parents like a menacing cloud. Shelby didn’t even know if Becca was aware that she was no longer in Texas. The last time she had seen her a few harsh words had flown out of her mouth. And after that, her dad had made it quite clear that Becca was not welcome anymore in the Goodkind household — and by default in Shelby’s life — 

Whatever Shelby wanted to say or do to make amend to Becca would have to wait until God knew when. 

She realized Miranda’s question was still hanging, but her aunt didn’t seem to mind and Shelby just tilted her head against the seat to sleep the rest of the trip off. 

***

Miranda let the door close behind her back while Shelby looked around. She had never seen the new house her aunt had moved to and  marveled at the view in silence. A nice two-story house with a hint of country style in a quiet neighborhood. It seemed like her aunt had retained something southern about her past and had mixed it with the individual lifestyle she had carved out for herself. 

“Your room is upstairs and it’s ready if you want to get a shower and some rest.” Miranda said while dragging Shelby’s suitcases away from the front door, “But I actually thought you might want to go get some lunch first?”

Shelby nodded eagerly, “I’m starving.”

“Thought you might.” Miranda chuckled, “Tell you what, help me bring your stuff upstairs and then we’ll go, yeah? We can discuss basic house rules later.”

Shelby frowned in confusion when a pair of keys got tossed in her direction, “Wait I'm the one driving?”

Miranda turned to look at her, her smiled was still in place when she replied, “You got a license, don't you?”

“I don't even know the city.”

“We better get at it then! Come on, let's go. ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've reached here, thanks for reading, I hope you liked and stay tuned for the next one :)
> 
> Of course it's way too early for any kind of conclusion, but feel free to drop me questions/comments/anything you wanna know or say and I'll be happy to reply. 
> 
> Cheers!


	3. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only then her gaze fell onto the blonde girl one step behind and the breath caught in her throat.
> 
> “Uh- hi…” came out more hesitant than anything.
> 
> The girl stared back at her, head slightly tilted to the side and the high ponytail swinging behind her, “Hello there.”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Toni is having a bad day, but then it's not so bad after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't have a shoni without Toni. Too brief for a first meeting? It's okay, we'll get there, give them some more time ;)
> 
> Just thought I'd get a second one out soon rather than later to have a bit of Toni action and, of course, her and Martha are a package deal. I love their friendship and no way I was going to leave that out. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy and see you at the end :)

**2.**

“You leave me no choice, Shalifoe.”

Toni rocked back and forth on her heels, hands wrangling behind her back anxiously. 

“But coach-”

“Coach nothing! We had a deal Toni. Actually, the whole team and I had a deal, the only difference is that they are respecting that deal and you’re not.”

“I promise sir, starting from this week I-”

The man silenced her with a wave of his hand, “I’ve heard this one before Shalifoe, so no, you’re not abusing my trust and patience once again.” 

He pushed the piece of paper in front of Toni so she could also read, not that she needed to really.

“Your report speaks loud and clear and I’m already pulling enough strings by not kicking you out of the team.”

Coach Young sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation, “Listen Toni, you’re a good player, you have the potential to be great and to be scouted by colleges, but your attitude and your grades can throw all of that away. I don’t want that for you.”

Toni bit down her lower lip hard, her hands balled into fists behind her back and she was sure her knuckles were turning white.

Coach Young leaned over his desk further, tapping on Toni’s recent school report, “This can change, I can help you change this but you gotta promise me you will follow through with it.” 

Toni nodded stiffly and sucked her pride, “Yes sir.”

“You’re the best player we have on this damn team Toni, and it frustrates the hell out of me to see you throwing that away. My captain should be an example for everyone else, not the one slacking!” Coach Young looked apologetically, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you.”

Toni shrugged, there was a trace of defeat in her eyes as if she was used to being yelled at. She didn’t flinch anymore, only took the harsh words and punishment that might come, “It’s nothing, coach.” 

“No,” Coach Young reiterated, “it’s _not_ nothing and I apologize. I will make sure to get you a tutor for your grades, but you have to cooperate, Toni.” he looked at her straight in the eyes, “Can I count on you?”

He extended his hand. Toni stared back, nodding firmly this time and gave him a shake.

“You have my word coach.”

*******

“What’s with the long face?” Martha wrapped an arm around her best friend’s shoulders.

“Coach busted my ass today.” Toni mumbled, her head falling forward and forehead resting against the basketball propped on her knees. 

“How is that different from any other day?”

Martha tried to lighten up the mood, reaching for a towel to pat away the sweat from her face after Jingle practice. She was tired and her body ached from the long few hours of dancing and perfecting her steps.

Toni raised her head slightly, her face peeking from the long brown hair in front of her, “He’s gonna get me a tutor now, to make sure I follow through with my studies.”

“So you’re ditching our study sessions?” Martha half-joked, reaching her water bottle to take long sips from it and resting her head on Toni’s shoulder.

“Our study sessions don’t really work.” she chuckled, patting Martha’s thigh.

“Yes they do.” 

“Maybe for you.”

Martha huffed good-naturedly at her friend, “They would work much better for you too, if you stopped getting distracted every five minutes to go and throw ball out there.”

“Can’t help it, it’s the only thing I’m good at.” Toni shrugged and Martha grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking slightly. 

“That’s not true, don’t say that.” her tone dropped off all pretense. 

She was one of the few people allowed to get that close to Toni and to speak to her in a demanding way. 

“Marty, come on-”

“Toni, say it out loud.” 

Toni rolled her eyes, “No, not this again.” 

“Say it, for me please.” Martha squeezed Toni’s shoulders. 

“You think you can just look at me like that and I’ll do anything you ask.”

Martha batted her eyelashes, sure of her victory, “For me, please?”

Toni sighed and spoke, barely audible, “I am worthy of good things in my life.”

“A little louder?”

She playfully shoved Martha away, careful not to hurt her and shook her head, but there was a genuine smile on her lips now, “Now don’t push it.” 

“It was worth a try.” Martha shrugged, “Come on, mom will give us both a ride home.”

Toni knew that for Martha she was like a sister and 'home' was as much hers as it was Toni’s. Growing up together, getting in and out of troubles together had only fortified their relationship. Toni was there for her whenever she needed it, like a protective blanket around her, but so Martha was the light that Toni’s life desperately needed. 

“I can’t, I have to work the afternoon shift today.”

“Your spare work uniform is at my place,” Martha replied, picking up her bag and quickly changing her shoes before going out, “and I know you’re hungry because you always are. So let’s go.” 

Toni fixed the straps of her backpack over her jacket and got to her feet, bouncing the basketball on the court a few times before attempting a basket and jogging to catch up with Martha. 

Life was not the best, but she had lived through worse days, and maybe that was enough for her.

*******

Toni shifted her weight from one leg to the other, grateful that she had no basketball practice that day. Her work shift could kill her just the same. 

She heard the bell ringing while she was rinsing some mugs and glanced up quickly to attend to the customer, “Hey Miranda, nice to see you again.” 

Miranda was a regular at the coffee shop and Toni had always appreciated how she seemed to fill the place with energetic light. The woman never seemed to be in a bad mood and she always took the time to ask Toni how she was doing with school and basket.

On the special day Toni had been made captain, Miranda was having lunch there and she had made sure to leave a generous tip on the table, scribbling down a ‘GOOD LUCK CAPTAIN!” on the receipt.

The next time she had come around, Toni invited her to the first game of the season, even though Miranda did not have children that went to Hopewell Lake High School. 

“Hello Toni, are you having a good day?”

Toni smiled politely in her direction and nodded, “Just about the usual, thank you ma’am.”

Only then her gaze fell onto the blonde girl one step behind Miranda and the breath caught in her throat. 

“Uh- hi…” came out more hesitant than anything. 

The girl stared back at her, head slightly tilted to the side and the high ponytail swinging behind her, “Hello there.”

“Oh my, how silly of me- Toni, this is my niece Shelby, she’s staying with me here for a while.”

Toni waved her hand, except realizing it was wet and full of soap and put it down immediately, the sudden motion made Shelby chuckle with genuine mirth in her eyes.

Toni forced her own gaze down and cleared her throat before looking back at Miranda, “Usual table?”

*******

Shelby laid awake, blanket tucked under her chin, but sleep didn’t seem to reach her. She knew it would be that way, after all it took time to get adjusted to the nights away from her own country, her city, her family, everything she deemed familiar. 

Living with Miranda seemed easy enough, the few house rules that her aunt had spoken about and had Shelby worried were nothing more than common sense really, and anyway Shelby was not one for trouble, never had been. 

She thought back to her first few days in Hopewell Lake, everything in her life had changed unexpectedly more was to come in the next few weeks.

_‘A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor’_ her mother liked to repeat, but thinking about her mother only made Shelby’s stomach coil uncomfortably. 

She thought about her mother's teary eyes the morning of her departure, how she didn’t really fight against her husband when he had decided to send Shelby away. 

Shelby didn’t know how she was supposed to feel about them. She gently picked at the cross around her neck and started whispering a prayer. For some reason, the words only sounded empty to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I wanted at least an adult that didn't suck in the story? So far we've got two of them! Coach might be a bit rough but he cares about Toni and we'll see more of him later on. 
> 
> I am proofreading while I go along, so I hope that's all good, but since English is not my first language I might mess up some tenses or words, so if there's anything that's like very much incorrect just let me know and I'll try to fix it as soon as possible. 
> 
> Cool, cool, cool, thanks so much for reading and I hope it's time well spent :) see ya next time!
> 
> Cheers!


	4. part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh hello Miss Shalifoe, I'm terribly sorry to reach you like this, I’m calling from Hopewell Elementary, your brother Sammy has been feeling sick all morning. We tried to reach your foster parents, but none of them showed up.”
> 
> She shut her eyes and cursed her shitty fosters under her breath, trying to focus on what was important. Sammy was sick and needed her.
> 
> “Is there any way for you to come and pick him up?”
> 
> All the elation and freedom from her time on the court disappeared instantly. Fuck that, she just wanted a day to catch her breath. Toni sucked in a breath because no matter how much she despised her new family and the system, she wasn't about to leave her little sick step-brother at school.
> 
> “Yes, I’ll be there soon.”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Shelby starts to make friends and a harsh reality calls Toni back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Back at it, back again :)
> 
> Well, well, things start to happen and we've got more to come. We get some insights into Toni's life and her foster family. There are going to be a few new names and people around, so I hope that's not too confusing. These people will come back during the rest of the story so we'll see a bit more of them as well as we go along.
> 
> I think this chapter is a bit longer than the previous ones, however it does deal with a bit of heavy stuff so here it is:
> 
> TW // the chapter contains a scene of domestic violence and harsh language.
> 
> I can tell you that it's basically the last paragraph of the chapter, to make it more clear I've also put a line (?) that will signal the beginning and the end of the whole scene in case people preferred to skip it. If this method is not effective and you can suggest something else to make it more clear just let me know and I will do it.

**3.**

Toni felt like flying, she relished in that sensation every time she stepped on the court.

Basketball was the one thing she truly felt she could do right. 

People - whether they were friends, foster parents, girls she liked - were tricky. Toni didn’t think she was particularly good at relationships, with the exception of Martha maybe, but basketball? That was her own pride and joy and the team loved her just as much. 

Well some of them did anyway, others respected her talent and position as captain but didn’t keep it a mystery to show Toni they didn’t really _like_ her. 

Whatever, not that she cared. 

She had Martha in her life and that had been enough so far. 

For a brief moment, while she was catching her breath on the sidelines and sipping some water, Toni thought about Regan. About how patient and understanding Regan had tried to be until the end. How freely and deeply she had tried to show her love and how much Toni had tried to do the same with her. 

Toni didn’t really blame Regan for cutting things off even though, in the heat of the moment, it had hurt her deeply. If she focused long enough, Toni could remember the feeling of betrayal slicing through her heart at Regan’s words. The cold sensation washing over her at the realization that she had fucked up another good thing in her life. 

But that was the past and it didn't help to dwell on it much longer. With Martha’s encouragement and after some time apart, Toni had talked to Regan. It wasn't exactly a friendship what they had going on, but it surely was a civil way of interacting with each other without the need to bring up what had happened between them.

“Shalifoe!” Toni jumped on her spot, tuning back to reality, and jogged to meet the man calling for her.

“Yes Coach?”

Coach Young gave her a tied-lip smile, “There’s a call for you, you can pick it up in my office.” 

Toni frowned, not sure of what to think; she didn’t receive calls at school and her mind immediately jumped the worst scenarios.

She quickly made her way to Coach Young’s crammed office; it vaguely smelled of sweat and something else that Toni could only describe as ‘gym smell'. Scrunching up her nose, she picked up the call. 

“Uh hello? This is Toni Shalifoe.”

“Oh hello Miss Shalifoe, I'm terribly sorry to reach you like this, I’m calling from Hopewell Elementary, your brother Sammy has been feeling sick all morning. We tried to reach your foster parents, but none of them showed up.”

Toni briefly wondered how the school even knew how to reach her, concluding that her foster family must've put her down on Sammy's record as an emergency contact. She shut her eyes and cursed her shitty fosters under her breath, trying to focus on what was important. Sammy was sick and needed her.

“Miss Shalifoe?” the woman at the other end called.

“Uh-yeah, yes, I’m still here.” 

“Is there any way for you to come and pick him up?”

All the elation and freedom from her time on the court disappeared instantly. Fuck that, she just wanted a day to catch her breath. Toni sucked in a breath because no matter how much she despised her new family and the system, she wasn't about to leave her little sick step-brother at school.

“Yes, I’ll be there soon.” 

*******

Toni reached the Elementary school in a rush; she felt gross and sweaty from both basketball practice and her running to reach the school, but she was there and that was what mattered. 

Martha had looked at her with a worried expression when she had seen Toni shoving a few books inside her backpack, her best friend only whispered ‘Sammy emergency, I’ve gotta go’ before giving their teacher a permit and sprinted away down the hallways. Toni knew that Martha would be patient enough to hear back from her later. 

As soon as Sammy spotted her, he didn’t even wait for the teacher to give him permission and ran all the way only to collide against Toni’s legs. The relieved breath Toni let out was short-lived though, because when she picked Sammy up she noticed how tired and spent the child was. 

His eyes were glazed and his forehead was burning up.

“Shit.” Toni muttered to herself, propping Sammy over one shoulder and feeling his warm face nuzzling against her neck. 

“Miss Shalifoe, please follow me, it will only take a second before you both can go.” the teacher greeted her politely and led the way inside.

Toni signed to get Sammy out with the promise that her foster parents would swing by the day after to clear up everything else. And started to walk all the way back home with Sammy clinging onto her. 

“Thanks Toni.” Sammy sleepily mumbled in her ear. 

Toni couldn’t help a smile, scratching gently her little step brother’s head.

“It’s okay, little monkey. I’ve got you.”

*******

**_...earlier that same morning_ **

“Look, I know that a transfer in the middle of the year is not ideal, but-”

“It’s okay, aunt Miranda.” Shelby tried to smile encouragingly, “Really, I’ll be okay.” 

The woman eyed her niece for a few long seconds, “Are you sure?”

Shelby shrugged and opened the car door, “Not much choice in it anyway.” 

She made her way through the school and her first classes, bearing the stares and chit-chat of people pointing at her as the new student. 

Not that Shelby minded making new friends or meeting new people, it was more that every single new thing reminded her of the life she had been forced to leave behind. 

What were her friends doing back in Texas? Did her parents regret even for one moment sending her away? Did Becca catch wind about where she was and why? 

Shelby had tried to message her in the past few days, but her thumb would always get stuck on the _send_ button. 

For an irrational moment she thought about the worst, she thought about Becca's parents punishing her in unimaginable ways and her own father telling her to forget about ever meeting his Shelby. She thought about another place they might have sent her. But even with the worry pooling at the pit of her stomach, Shelby could not bring herself to cross that last line, to reach out.

“Uhm is this seat taken? I kinda need a new partner for this project because my best friend had to leave in a rush.”

Shelby quickly blinked and instinctively grinned widely at the girl in front of her, “No, not at all.” 

The girl smiled back gratefully and offered her hand to shake, “I’m Martha.”

“Shelby.”

*******

Toni adjusted Sammy better in her arms, silently hoping the child’s sickness would pass quickly. 

Sammy was the youngest of three children in her new foster family and his father Brian — Toni couldn't despise him with bigger passion if she tried — kept repeating how much of a mistake that last child was. 

Toni hated hearing him talk like that and more than one time she had almost gotten into a fight with Brian for talking back.

Katie, his wife, was out a lot and worked as a nurse, taking all the shifts she could possibly cover. Toni knew it was unfair, but she blamed her too for being absent and leaving the twins, Mike and Jason, to wild out a lot and get themselves in trouble.

Toni was not a buzzkill, she understood that children wanted to have fun, and more often than not she was content to live in her own bubble. It was something her fosters understood pretty early on and usually were fine with leaving her to mind her own business. But it was not rare that the twins' pranks got out of hand and Sammy, being only five, would get the worst end of the stick. 

Toni never prided herself on being a saint or a quiet person, but she had never been one to take her anger or malice out on weaker people, something that her older step-brothers were way too good at doing. 

Halfway through the way back, a car honked and pulled up next to her; for a second Toni thought it was Regan, pulling up on her as she had done a year prior, but the person at the steering wheel was a different woman.

“Toni? What are you doing out here in the cold?”

Toni stepped closer to the rolled down window, “Hello Ms. Goodkind, I went to pick up Sammy at school, he didn’t feel so great.” 

Miranda smiled sweetly, looking at the child nuzzled on Toni’s shoulder. 

“Do you need a ride home?”

“Oh it’s no worries really-”

“Please, if he is sick I don’t want you to catch something too. Come on in, I’ll drive you.” 

Toni smiled gratefully and climbed into the passenger seat, “Thank you, Ms. Goodkind, you’re heaven-sent.”

* * *

*******

After checking his temperature, putting Sammy to bed and taking a shower, Toni felt exhausted and she still had to start her homework. 

Normally, she would’ve ditched that thought as soon as it came and just straight up napped or made herself some food, but Coach Young had been clear that if she didn’t do something about her grades soon he would drop her from the team. 

Not wanting to risk one of the few good things in her life, Toni pulled out her books and started working on her algebra exercises with a sigh.

Martha texted her to check that everything was okay right when the sound of the front door closing came through. 

Toni quickly replied - _I’ll tell you in a while_ \- and made her way to the kitchen where her foster dad was shrugging off his jacket and tossing his keys on the table. 

“Ah, you’re back early, skipping school again?”

Toni pursed her lips, trying to remain calm.

“Sammy is sick, the school tried to call you and Katie.”

Brian shrugged nonchalantly and opened a bottle of beer for himself, “Well someone picked him up in the end, so it’s all good.”

“It’s not all good!” Toni slammed her hands on the kitchen table, “They had to reach me at school to pick him up. Katie is working, I understand that, but where the fuck were you?”

Brian pointed a finger at her threateningly, “You better keep your voice down, kid.”

“I said WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?”

“HEY-”

“He’s your son, you know? Not some random kid you can just toss on the street.” 

Brian circled the table, uncaring of spilling the beer on the floor, “You need to learn some respect, kid. You’re already a fucking nuisance to this family.”

Toni didn’t even flinch at the word and spat out humorlessly, “Family? The one you’re tearing to pieces because you go drinking all the time at that fucking bar-”

A slap echoed in the empty space, stilling everything for a long and tense moment. Then Toni charged at Brian almost toppling him over, the noise of glass smashing sounded all over the house. 

Brian grabbed Toni by the shoulders, trying to throw her off him while she kept yelling at him “Where the fuck were you for him?!”

His fist collided with Toni’s cheek, making her stumbling back and clutch her face in pain. 

“I SAID DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!” he fumed.

Suddenly Sammy’s weight collided against his father’s legs, “No daddy!” t he little boy, awaken by the loud voices and noises, threw his small fists at him hitting his belly. Brian shoved him off annoyed and the child fell down with a loud thump. Toni widened her eyes, immediately scrambling to check on Sammy, trying to make sure he was okay. 

“You piece of shit! He's just a kid!” she yelled back at the man.

Brian violently grabbed Toni’s arm, twisting it behind her back and making her wince in pain. 

“You don’t talk so much now, do you?”

Toni gritted her teeth, the tears blurring her eyes but she remained steady, maneuvering her free arm to elbow Brian to the side as hard as she could. 

His grasp weakened and Toni scuttled away as fast as possible, hoisting a crying Sammy back on her shoulders and throwing her Carhartt jacket all over him to keep him warm. 

Brian was still catching his breath half bent over, his eyes were sending out daggers, a silent promise to Toni that they were not done. 

Toni tried to ignore the chills running over her body and reached the front door.

“I’m so sorry little buddy, you’re safe now, I promise.” she whispered trying to bring comfort to the crying child.

In the dimming light of the day, Toni made her way to the only place she knew was safe: Martha’s house.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He-yo! Long time no see :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I apologize for the bit of angst, I promise we'll get into soft territory soon enough. 
> 
> Tiny bit of Shelby in this one, I know, but I wanted to focus a little bit more on Toni and her life, we'll get plenty of Shelby later ;)
> 
> Fun fact: the idea for Sammy came to me after watching Erana's movie The Changeover, where she takes care and has to save her little brother Jacko. So that's mostly how I pictured Sammy. And also cause deep down I thought it would be nice to see Toni with a little kid that sort of sees her as a big sister and makes her foster situation a little less shitty to deal with.
> 
> Again, please let me know if the TW was effective or if it would be better to do another thing. This story should still be a pleasant read and not a cause of distress for anyone. 
> 
> Love y'all, take care and cheers!


	5. part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby looked at her with curiosity and interest, as if she truly wanted to unravel whatever Toni’s mischievous eyes could give away. And Toni liked it. She liked the idea of someone looking at her like she was worth the time, like she could give Shelby something good to remember and not just an endless list of all the reasons why she was only a burden.
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where there's tutoring, takis and phone numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup loves! I hope you're all doing well and things are fine :)
> 
> The previous couple of chapters we kinda had more of Shelby and Toni as individuals, so it was about time they spent some time together for real, isn't it?
> 
> Hope you like it and I'll see you at the end!

**4.**

“Ouch!”

“Stay still.” 

“Marty that stings!”

“Jeez Toni, stay still!” Marta reiterated, pressing the cotton swab over the cut on Toni’s cheek one last time, “There, all done.” 

Toni sighed and slumped, “Is Sammy okay?”

“Yeah, my mom was taking care of him, don’t worry.”

“I can’t believe that fucking-” Toni shook her head cutting herself off, “I need to get Sammy out of that house.”

“Toni you can’t. You’re not even eighteen to get yourself out the system yet.”

“Then Katie should divorce that piece of shit.” 

“You know she’s not going to.” 

“Goddamn it!” Toni slammed her fist against Martha’s mattress. 

“Hey?” Martha held her best friend’s face between her hands, gently cupping her cheeks, “You need to take a deep breath. You’re here, Sammy’s here, you’re both safe and that’s what matters now.”

Toni closed her eyes, exhaling heavily and nodding, “You’re right. You’re right, thank you Marty... for being here for me and-”

“Nonsense Toni,” Martha smiled sweetly, “We might not be blood-related but you’re my sister, this is your home too, end of discussion.” 

*******

Toni spent the whole weekend at Martha’s, alternating with Bernice to take care of Sammy while he recovered. 

Katie dropped by on Saturday night after her work shift and, despite not getting into a whole fight, Toni refused to let her little stepbrother back home.

She knew she didn’t really have the authority, but Katie also seemed to want Sammy as far as possible from Brian and didn’t argue back much when Bernice reassured her that she would take care of Sammy until Toni had to get back to school. 

By Sunday afternoon, Sammy was back to his healthy self playing with Martha’s younger sisters and Toni finally felt some of the pressure easing up from her shoulders. 

“So did you ever find that tutor your coach talked about?” 

They were both in Martha's room doing homework. Martha was diligently copying some of her class notes while Toni was mostly doodling on the corners of an old notebook, careful not to mess up her latest English assignment. 

“Not really, guess I’ve been busy and he didn’t tell me anything new, but I am trying to attend all classes and pull my work, y’know.” Toni shrugged, “Sorry about leaving you alone in class, for that partners project thing.”

“It’s okay,” Martha smiled reassuringly, “I’ve paired up with a new student actually.” 

“We got a new student?”

“Apparently, recently moved or something.”

“And she’s off to steal my best friend already, should I fight her?” Toni raised a fist in the air.

“Toni.” Martha admonished and her best friend chuckled. 

“Relax Marty, I’m just kidding. Pretty sure coach’s whole discourse about me having a better attitude also included no fighting.”

“Yeah well, it’s never a sure bet with you.” Martha joked and Toni flickered a piece of paper at her, eliciting a laugh. 

“Fuck off.” 

When laughs died down, Martha’s expression became more serious.

“I’ve seen Regan the other day, she asked about how you were doing.”

“Ah yeah? She couldn’t ask herself?”

“Toni come on…”

Toni huffed and shook her head, “Look, I appreciate her preoccupation, but we’re over, have been for a while now.”

“Maybe she wants to stay friends and that’s all- why do you wanna burn bridges with everyone in your life?”

“Marty I-” Toni took a deep breath and looked at her best friend with pleading eyes, “I don’t want to do that I just- I guess I just don’t see a point in Regan and I being friends.”

“She used to make you happy.” 

“Yeah, before I ruined everything.” 

“That’s not true.” Martha countered.

“But it is! It is and maybe…” Toni’s voice lowered, “maybe that’s who I am.”

Martha jumped on the bed next to her best friend, taking both Toni's hands between hers, “Toni you’re not-… you’re more of that. So much more. I wish you could see it as much as I can.”

And Toni closed her eyes and hoped the tears wouldn’t fall. She desperately wanted to believe Martha and her words. 

She wanted to believe she was more than her broken pieces. 

*******

Shelby flipped a page of the book she was reading or pretending to read. She hadn’t been able to understand a single word since her aunt had received her father’s call. 

Miranda was pacing in the kitchen, conversations with Dave Goodkind always made her uneasy, as if he was judging her and her life choices even from far away Texas. 

She kept humming responses to questions Shelby could only guess and it was getting on her nerves. 

What did her dad tell Miranda anyway? Did he actually lay the entire truth at her feet before deciding to send Shelby away or did her aunt only knew a partial version of it?

Another harsh flicker of the page and this time Miranda’s eyes landed on her niece, offering a doubtful smile while she stepped closer. There was a silent question in her eyes, Shelby realized, and quick as the realization came Shelby shook her head.

She expected Miranda’s smile to disappear, for her aunt to call her disrespectful, but Miranda only nodded understandingly and spoke to the receiver. 

“Shelby’s doing well here, she’s actually busy with some studying right now but I’ll let her know to call back later.” 

Shelby released a breath of relief that she didn’t even know she was holding. 

*******

Shelby didn’t actually expect someone to ask for tutoring sessions. She had signed up mostly to keep up with the credits to add to her college resume, but she knew that a lot of people just glazed over the available tutors in high school. 

So when Coach Young approached her, Shelby couldn’t hide the surprise.

The man had a half-amused smile, “I promise she’s not bad.”

“Uhm who are we talking about exactly?”

He gave her a small folder, “I've left a copy of details and information you’ll need at the administration office, you can sign up the days and hours you’ll cover there.”

Shelby nodded, deciding that she would give this a try. What bad could it come from it anyway?

“Can you start soon?” the man tapped his foot on the ground impatiently but not unkind, “I was hoping not to have her warming the bench for long, we need her on the team.”

Shelby smiled warmly as if she knew exactly what he was talking about, “As soon as the other student is ready.”

Coach Young returned the wide smile, “I’ll tell her to swing by the library to meet you tomorrow after training.”

** *** **

Shelby sat on a chair in the half-empty library. She had chosen a secluded space so that she and the other person who had requested tutoring sessions wouldn’t be disturbed. 

Checking her watch, she noticed that whoever was supposed to come was already five minutes late. Shelby would give it another ten before she officially called it a day.

A muffled grunt came from behind her and an out of breath voice spoke, “Sorry I’m late! Please don’t ditch me.”

Shelby turned around sharply, in time to see a duffel bag being dropped to the floor and a familiar face framed by wavy brown hair.

“Toni?” she tried surprised. 

The girl widened her eyes staring back at her, “Oh shit, I know you! You’re the uh- with Miranda, right?”

“Yes.” she nodded.

“Shelby!” Toni snapped her fingers triumphantly, plopping down on the chair next to the blonde. 

“That’s right.” Shelby smiled politely and half-delighted at her. 

“How have you been doing?”

Shelby raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised by the attempt at small talk, “I’m good, yeah, real good. How is uh-” she took a moment to decipher the print on Toni’s black tank top, “basketball?”

Toni waved her off, “Oh don’t bother, but that’s kind of the reason why I’m here and need your help. Grades need an up-grade.” she landed the corny pun with a thumbs up.

Shelby laughed at the corny joke and Toni couldn't help but notice how her eyes brightened instinctively. The green was hypnotizing. 

“You might need some working on your jokes too.” Shelby teased.

Toni relaxed against the back of the chair with a shrug and stared at Shelby in silence for a few seconds before speaking up again, “You know, it’s kinda strange to have new people at school during the year, so like I guess… how come you’re one of them?”

Shelby felt a shudder pass through her bones and her smile immediately felt more forced.

“Awfully rude to ask such personal questions on your first meeting with someone.” 

Toni gave a quick raise of eyebrows, “But this is not our first meeting.”

Shelby tapped a pencil against her math book and locked Toni’s gaze with her own, not afraid to bite back.

“You’re right. This is not even a meeting actually, it’s a tutoring session and you were already late so I suggest we get a good start.” she carefully flipped the pages until she got what she wanted and slid the book towards Toni, “This seems perfect.”

Toni rolled her eyes, smile gone from her lips and pulled out her notebook, finding a blank page to start working on the maths exercises.

“You’re no fun Shelby.”

Shelby only quirked one corner of her lips up, “You, on the other hand, are always a joy to be around Toni.”

*******

They spent the next two hours working in silence, occasionally Shelby would go over a few things with Toni and check on her that everything was going smoothly. 

Toni, however, didn’t seem to have particular problems herself with the subject, she picked up things quickly and Shelby wondered really why she needed tutoring sessions in the first place.

With half a mind to ask directly, she was distracted by the sound of Toni slamming her forehead on the table. 

“You okay there, superstar?”

Toni groaned something that seemed awfully close to ‘fuck off’ and Shelby only chuckled.

“Tell you what,” she tried again, “you finish off the last problem, I get something to eat in the meantime and then we can call it a day.”

At that Toni’s eyes peeked from behind her folded arms, “Can I have my pick?”

“Shoot.”

“Takis and Gatorade.” 

“Takis and Gatorade,” Shelby repeated, fishing for her wallet, “you got it. Now go back to work.”

When she returned, Toni had already turned her notebook towards her so Shelby could check the problem and ravenously grabbed the two items from the blonde’s hands.

Shelby barely had the time to sit back that Toni was already wolfing down half pack of Takis. 

“Oh Lord, slow down or your mouth is gonna go on fire.” 

Toni smirked, “Don’t worry, my mouth is used to having hot stuff.”

Shelby blinked in disbelief at the crude innuendo and swallowed hard, “Uh-oh okay I guess, let me just- uh yeah, I’ll just check this.” 

She busied herself with maths and numbers to avoid thinking about the implications of what Toni had just said.  The same implications that, in a way or another, had stranded her in Minnesota, away from everything she knew and hold dear. 

For a moment, an irrational and hot-headed moment, Shelby wanted to stand up and tell Toni it was her fault. Of people like _her_. That Shelby had never wanted a part in that. 

But Toni suddenly slid the remaining Takis towards Shelby with a guilty look, “Shit sorry, I acted like a fucking idiot and didn’t even ask if you wanted some. It was your buy after all.”

And just like that the anger dissipated. Toni had no guilt in whatever had happened in Shelby’s life and she didn’t deserve to made feel wrong for just being herself.

Shelby closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing a smile not to freak out the other girl, “It’s okay, you can have them, you’re probably starving after basketball practice.”

Toni shrugged, “Well yeah but a few Takis will not sate the hunger anyway. Actually, I was thinking, would you like to go eat something?”

“You mean right now?”

“Yeah.”

"Together?”

Toni stuffed the remaining clutter inside her bag and nodded with a roll of her eyes, swinging the duffel bag over one shoulder, “Unless you're sick of my company. I mean we’re done here and if you’re not busy, I could bring you to the place with the best tacos in the city.”

Shelby bit her lower lip, pondering her decision. Despite what she had heard about this girl being rowdy, Toni had been more than pleasant to be around and she seemed to be in a good mood that day.

Her aunt Miranda trusted this girl and Shelby didn’t particularly feel in the mood to spend the night curled up on her bed anyway. 

So she picked up her own bag and smiled at Toni, “Tacos sound good to me.”

*******

“Isn’t this the best bite you’ve ever had in your life?” Toni spoke, after swallowing down a mouthful of tacos.

Shelby hummed to herself, finishing the fries inside her basket. 

“I don’t know, my mom’s breakfast tacos are quite a feast and hard to beat.”

Toni scoffed, “What even is a breakfast taco?”

“You know… scrambled eggs, some refried beans, fried potatoes and some bacon.” 

Shelby closed her eyes and smiled lost in the memories. All the breakfasts she would have at home, her younger siblings fighting for seconds and Spencer always stealing some from Melody’s plate when she was not looking. 

“You miss it?” Toni asked, her voice dropping an octave and softening.

Shelby blinked a few times, coming back to reality before answering, “I think I miss more the feeling of it… of family and shared time together.”

Toni only nodded, lowering her gaze. Part of her regretted asking about it, she was not good when it came to talks about family and she had no intention of telling Shelby about her own situation and where she lived. 

She wasn't ashamed; growing up in the foster environment had thickened her skin enough for her not to give a shit about what others thought of her life and decisions. 

No, it was more that Shelby looked at her with curiosity and interest, as if she truly wanted to unravel whatever Toni’s mischievous eyes could give away. And Toni liked it. She liked the idea of someone looking at her like she was worth the time, like she could give Shelby something good to remember and not just an endless list of all the reasons why she was only a burden.

To her surprise, Shelby didn’t add anything else and didn’t ask Toni about her own family, instead, she just frowned when her hand came out empty of fries. 

The corner of Toni’s lips curved up and wordlessly she pushed her own basket of fries towards Shelby. 

*******

They walked back in silence and Shelby was surprised to find out that she didn’t find it uncomfortable in the slightest. 

Usually she would’ve put up a talk, even propose an ice breaker to get the other person going and feel more at ease, but Toni’s presence gave off a mix of distant yet fully in the moment vibes. It was new and unexpected but it felt good. Shelby tilted her head to the side and subtly studied the brunette as if Toni’s steps or clothes or the way her shoulders straightened to face the world could give away some guarded secrets. 

“Not to burst your bubble, princess, but you’re staring.” 

Shelby flushed and immediately shifted her gaze to her feet, missing Toni’s curious glance. 

“Sorry I- thank you, for walking me back I mean.”

Toni shrugged, “It’s okay, I like walking.” 

“Will you be okay going back home all alone?”

“I’m not scared of the dark.” Toni smirked but Shelby only pursed her lips at the answer, “I’ll be careful Shelby, don’t worry.” 

They approached the porch of Miranda’s house and Shelby stopped in front of the small gate.

“Text me when you’re back?” 

Toni whistled in amusement, “If only I had your number.”

“Oh God, you’re right.” Shelby laughed at herself, fishing the phone from her back pocket, “Here, put your number and I’ll text you. I mean it's good to be in touch for tutoring as well.”

If she fumbled over her words, Toni was merciful enough to let it pass.

Shelby wished Toni goodnight with a timid smile and Toni waited until the blonde closed the door behind her back to start walking again. 

When she reached her place, 45 minutes later, Toni finally unlocked her phone only to find a message from Shelby already.

_— Hope you’re home safe. Thank you for tonight and let me know when you’re ready for the next tutoring session —_

Toni smiled to herself and thought those extra 45 minutes were worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently they really have breakfast tacos in Texas (that's where I got the idea from) but I'm not from the US so I have no clue how true that is (if someone has more info just let me know lol) 
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter and if you have any questions, comments, just wanna scream at me - feel free to drop them down in the box and I'll do my best to reply as soon as possible.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read and catch you next time!


	6. part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby chuckled, “You look like Troy from that High School Musical movies.”
> 
> Toni scoffed almost offended, “It was Chad the one with the ball, and the best character anyway.”
> 
> “You a big fan? Are you gonna jump on the table and start singing a song for me?” Shelby teased.
> 
> Toni shook her head, “Fuck off, Shelby.”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Shelby meets an old friend and Toni definitely (doesn't) like High School Musical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! How are y'all? I hope everything is good :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little update as we get a little more shoni time ;)

** 5. **

“Shelby?” 

Shelby turned around at the voice calling her name in the parking lot. 

“Shelby Goodkind?”

Her green eyes widened as soon as she recognized the girl, “Oh my God, Dottie?”

If Dot had anything against the nickname, she didn’t show it and only waved her hand. 

“Aunt Miranda this is Dot Campbell, we used to go to the same school back home.”

Miranda shot Dot a kind smile and Dot stepped closer. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here, Dottie.” Shelby greeted her with something akin to genuine relief and Dot couldn’t hide her puzzlement. 

“Didn’t know you were expecting to see me at all, Shelby.”

Shelby picked at the hem of her dress and smiled bashfully, “You’re right, I guess I’m just… surprised.” 

Miranda looked between the two girls and took the grocery shopping bags that Shelby was carrying, “You girls might want to spend some time alone maybe.” 

“Oh but aunt Miranda I can help-”

“It’s okay Shelby.” the woman reassured, “You go on and catch up with your friend, I’ll see you at home later.” 

Dot didn’t seem particularly thrilled at the suggestion of spending some alone time with Shelby, but she didn’t batter an eyelash, only pointing at her car at the end of the parking lot. 

“I can drive you later.” 

*******

“So, we haven’t really crossed paths since what? Eighth-grade Spanish?”

Dot shrugged, taking a huge sip from her milkshake.

“Maybe so, what about it?”

“Nothing I just think it’s a shame that we didn’t know each other better back home, and now we meet again in Hopewell Lake of all places.”

Dot stared at Shelby more interested then, “Now that you mention it, what are you doing here exactly?”

Shelby busied herself with sipping from her own straw and collected her thoughts. She knew the question would come, it was an obvious one after all.

“My dad thought I could benefit from some time away from Fort Travis, new experiences and all that. He said that I was not getting good influences from there and my aunt lives here so…”

Dot quirked an eyebrow unconvinced, “He thought you could get great experiences from a small city in Minnesota?”

Shelby raised her shoulders, pretending that her father’s reasons eluded her just as much and tried to steer the conversation somewhere else. 

“Are you here with your dad? Is he feeling better?”

Dot lowered her gaze abruptly, any trace of curiosity or amusement were wiped out from her face. 

“He’s not feeling anything because he’s not here anymore.”

Shelby paled and bit her lower lip, “Dottie I-”

“No please, don’t say you’re sorry Shelby, it’s not your fault and it doesn’t really change anything. So please, just don’t.”

Shelby nodded understandingly, she only placed a hand on top of Dot’s and surprisingly enough she felt Dot squeezing right back. 

When Shelby offered to pay for the second round of milkshakes and some food, Dot turned down politely, “I’ve already promised some friends that I would go get dinner with them.”

“Oh…” Shelby said, mildly disappointed, “yeah of course, I understand.” 

Dot threw away both of their empty cups, “You should come around though, if not tonight some other time for sure.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” 

Dot waved her off, “Oh please, I’m sure Leah and Fatin would be fine with having you around. You might need to win Toni over, but Martha is a sweetheart.”

Shelby registered both names and snapped her head up, “Toni?”

“Yeah, you know her?” Dot asked amused, “Hot-headed brunette with a heart of gold and crazy good at basketball?”

Shelby laughed along, that sounded suspiciously like Toni, “Yeah, I know her. Martha too.”

“Cool! You know like half the pack already then, you should definitely come around sometime.” 

“Maybe I will then,” Shelby relented, encouraged by Dot’s enthusiasm, “but you should come have dinner with me and my aunt some other time too. I’m sure she’ll love to meet you.”

Dot shrugged and gave a nod, “Sure, sounds cool, can't say no to free food either. Let’s go now, I’ll give you a ride to your aunt’s.”

*******

“I have a question.” Shelby blurted out, finishing to check the algebra exercises Toni had passed on.

“Mhm?” Toni kept spinning her basket ball on a finger faster and faster. 

“Why do you carry that around as if your life depended on it?”

Toni stopped her movements, letting the ball drop on her lap.

“First of all because it kinda does, college and all that shit, and second because if someone annoys me I can just throw it to their head.”

Shelby chuckled, “You look like Troy from that High School Musical movies.”

Toni scoffed almost offended, “It was Chad the one with the ball, and the best character anyway.”

“You a big fan? Are you gonna jump on the table and start singing a song for me?” Shelby teased.

Toni shook her head, “Fuck off, Shelby.” 

Shelby tilted her head to the side, teeth sinking into her lower lip, “You really that good?”

Toni narrowed her eyes, staring back at Shelby challengingly.

“Come with me. I’ll show you.” 

Toni guided Shelby to the gym, dropping her backpack on one of the bleachers and immediately started to dribble, pretending to go against some fake opponents before shooting a perfect hoop. 

“Yes!” she cheered ecstatically, mocking the chanting voices on a game day, “And number 3 Toni Shalifoe does it again, ladies and gentleman!”

Shelby laughed at the silliness, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Hey!” Toni bounced the ball a few more times and pointed a finger at Shelby, “I think the word you’re searching for is awesome.” 

Shelby ignored the comment and stepped closer to Toni, “Teach me?”

Toni swallowed tickly, trying not to think about all the times Regan stayed late after basketball practice, messing around with her. Regan was really bad at basketball and Toni had little hope that Shelby would be any different, but she quirked an eyebrow in surprise at the blonde and played along.

“Aren’t you afraid to ruin your perfect nails, princess?”

Instead of replying, Shelby stole the ball from Toni’s hands, under her dumbfounded gaze, and took her shot

…which ended inches away from the actual basket and had Toni doubling in laughter. 

“You just- that was...” Toni tried to speak through her giggles but it only sent her into another fit of giggles, “Oh my god…” 

Shelby blushed violently and lowered her gaze, unable to hold her own chuckles at her own pitiful attempt. 

She knew that Toni was not trying to be mean and she couldn’t help to let her gaze wander all over the other girl’s face. The way Toni’s eyes squinted and crinkled at the corners when she was laughing heartily. Nothing about her seemed controlled or confined, pure emotions kept overflowing and spilling out in the most beautiful way Shelby had ever seen. Toni was untamed, and Shelby ached to reach out as if she could feel that same freedom by just touching Toni. Shelby should've felt scared by how easily this girl seemed to unlock something inside her, instead she only felt how addicting Toni's presence was.

Shelby didn’t even realize she was staring again, eyes focusing on Toni’s freckles, on Toni pushing the curls away from her face and-

“Shalifoe!” 

Just like that the spell broke.

A familiar man’s voice echoed inside the gym and Toni almost jumped on the spot, the traces of amusement now concealed under a serious expression. 

“Yes coach?”

The man shifted his gaze between Toni and Shelby with his eyebrows furrowed, “You should be in the library for tutoring hours, not training. Your grades will not go up on their own.”

Shelby swallowed back the sudden embarrassment and spoke up before Toni could, “It’s my fault, sir, really… Toni had nothing to do with it.”

“Miss Goodkind I thought we had an agreement,” Coach Young continued, “I need my best player on track for a college scholarship and she won’t get that if her school reports keep failing the mark.” 

“We are studying, sir, I swear.” Shelby quickly exchanged a glance with Toni, the brunette was looking at her with wide and confused eyes, “I mean we did, before coming here. Toni is a good student sir, she’s progressing well with her work- I just thought it would be good to let her take a break in the best way she could before we got back studying.” 

Coach Young studied Shelby’s for a long moment, considering her words carefully, and then looked at Toni again.

“Can you assure me this is the truth, Toni? You know I only want the best for you, but I need you to do your part.”

Toni nodded curtly, “Yes coach, Shelby is telling the truth.”

Coach Young finally cracked a smile at the pair, more relaxed, “Okay then, take a few more hoops if you wish so, but then I want you both back hitting the books, am I clear?”

“Yes coach!” 

Shelby watched the man walk away in silence while Toni started dribbling the ball again, collecting a swoosh of the net after the other. 

“He really cares about you.” she commented nonchalantly, turning to look at Toni who was attempting some ball fakes.

“Pretty sure he cares about the whole team.”

“But he seems to like you more.” Shelby gently pressed.

Toni shrugged, “He cares about me more than my own family put together, that for sure.”

Shelby frowned but didn’t ask further, accepting the blunt answer for what it was. 

Toni also seemed to truly realize what she had just said. Growing quiet, she stopped playing around and retrieved her backpack, motioning for Shelby to follow. 

“We should go back, coach will have my ass if I don’t do as he says.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay now, I have to admit that I thought for a while that dribbling in basketball and football (soccer) had the same meaning but apparently it doesn't??? mind blown
> 
> Anyway, so we finally got Dot entering the scene as well and soon some other familiar people will join the party ;) 
> 
> I don't really have much to say about this chapter except that I hope you guys liked it <3 thanks for reading and if you feel like leaving me a few words I'd love to reply to you as well. 
> 
> ps: Chad was the best and that's on that
> 
> See ya next time!


	7. part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shelby, seriously, why the hell do you even care?” Toni gave a shrug like she genuinely didn't see a reason to prolong things further, “You want new friends in this place? Cool, go get them. You already got Marty, you can get other people to like you, you don't need me as your charity case.”
> 
> “That's not what this is about Toni.” Shelby countered and her voice sounded offended that Toni would even think such a thing. Think so low of herself. 
> 
> “Then what is this about, Shelby?” 
> 
> “When I came here I didn't know what to expect or how- what would be of my life. And I know we're not really friends, but I like spending time with you. I've laughed with you more than I can remember in the last few years and you're so- I mean with you it's easy. It's easy to be around you and it makes me feel more like myself.”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Toni might be seeing all black and Shelby breaks some honest truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you kind souls! How's the weekend going? I hope everything is good and you're all well. 
> 
> Not much to say about this new chapter except that I hope you like it as we get a bit more into the story. 
> 
> I'll see you at the end if you wanna chat some more.

**6.**

A knock on the door distracted Toni from the essay she was writing for school, “Uh come in?”

Katie slowly entered her room, closing the door behind her, she spared a glance at Sammy who was quietly playing with a set of toy cars on Toni’s bed. It was a gift Toni had given him for his last birthday after putting aside enough from her paycheck. 

“I never thanked you for last time, Toni.” Katie said, stepping closer but still maintaining a respectful distance between her and the younger girl. 

Sammy didn’t seem to notice her presence, lost in his fantasy world. 

“You gotta be a bit more specific than that, Katie.” 

The woman pursed her lips and sighed, “For taking Sammy away from here… I know about Brian and-”

“You should dump his ass and have him out of the house.” 

“It’s more complicated than that Toni.” 

“Really?” Toni scoffed, “It’s not complicated at all to me.”

“I’m not here to fight,” Katie put her hands forward as if she could stop the rage the was blowing Toni’s nostrils already, “I just wanted to thank you for taking care of him.” 

Toni tightened her jaw, “And what’s gonna happen when I’m not here? When I can’t make it on time? What’s gonna happen to him when no one is around?”

“Nothing like that is gonna happen again.”

Toni laughed bitterly, “Seriously Katie, you can promise that? We both know you can’t.”

The woman sighed exasperated, “What do you want me to do, Toni? I’m doing everything I can here!”

Sammy’s head snapped up at the loud voice and he rushed down of the bed to crawl on Toni’s lap, hugging her tightly.

Toni’s heart clenched and she gently stroked a hand up and down Sammy’s back.

“Hey little monkey, it’s okay, it’s all good.” 

Sammy relaxed but his face remained firmly hidden in Toni’s neck. 

Toni shot Katie a hard glare, “Is this what you want for him? For everyone in this house, you included?”

Katie’s lower lip trembled but she could only shake her head repeating “I’m doing everything I can.” like a mantra.

Eventually, Sammy climbed down Toni’s lap and hugged his mother’s legs with pleading eyes, silently asked to be picked up, but she only ruffled his hair and untangled his small body before leaving the room. 

Sammy exchanged a sad glance with Toni, which only raised her shoulders, “Wanna go out for ice cream, little monkey?”

*******

Toni’s mood shifted dangerously between wanting to see Sammy happy and replaying Katie’s words inside her head. 

_“I’m doing everything I can.”_ — Toni scoffed to herself, fuck that.

Katie could’ve divorced Brian, she could’ve reported him to the police, she could’ve told someone. She could’ve done something!

Something more than whatever she was doing anyway, which was letting him go away with his bullshit. 

Toni didn’t even realize her pace had picked up and Sammy was struggling to catch up behind her.

“Toni wait!” he seemed even smaller all huddled up in his big second-hand jacket. 

Toni cracked a genuine smile and bent down slightly for Sammy to jump on her back. 

The little boy cheered, “piggyback rides!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Toni chuckled, “but don’t make it a habit.” 

The boy nodded and tightened his grip around Toni’s neck. 

They reached the ice cream shop and Sammy started to jump up and down in front of the window displaying all the flavors. The woman at the counter exchanged a glance with Toni and wordlessly nodded for Toni to let Sammy take the time he needed. Toni was fishing her pockets for money when her eyes caught Martha sitting a few tables away, talking and laughing amicably with someone. 

It took Toni a second longer, but the blonde hair and the high ponytail were unmistakable. She heard the laugh and the Texan drawl before she even saw her face.

Shelby. 

Toni frowned, suddenly hyper-aware of the uncomfortable coiling at the pit of her stomach, but she willed herself to stay still. Her head was still hazy from the argument with Katie and the familiar sting of anger simmered inside her. 

Sammy pulled her by the sleeve in the same instant Martha called her name, making Shelby turn around with a smile. 

Martha quickly walked to them and wrapped her arms around Toni in a side hug, waving at Sammy who was busy getting his ice cream. She looked at Toni with surprise and motioned for her best friend to join at the table. 

“I have to bring Sammy back home.” Toni countered.

Shelby, approaching slowly, smiled sweetly at the child and gave him a few napkins while he kept licking at the dripping cone. 

“Hi Toni.” 

Toni only nodded stiffly in acknowledgment but Shelby didn’t press, “And who’s this little boy here?”

“None of your business.” she replied harshly, almost shoving Sammy behind her.

Shelby frowned and her smile disappeared, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Toni cut her off, turning to face Martha with stormy eyes and pursed lips, “So this where you spend your time now?”

Martha’s playful gaze also dropped and she looked at Toni bewildered, “Toni, where is this coming from? What are you talking about?”

“I tried to reach you these past days, you were always busy… this where you went?”

“Toni I-”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” Shelby intervened and Toni snapped her gaze back at her with a sneer. 

“You gonna tell me how to talk to my friend now?”

“You need to calm down. There’s no reason for this.” 

Toni felt the rage starting to spill out, impulse telling her to yell at Shelby to fuck off and stop messing with her life and her people. But Martha was looking at her with pleading eyes and Sammy kept pulling at her hoodie from behind.

Toni took a deep breath and stepped back, “Whatever, I’m out of here.”

“Toni wait-”

Martha tried again, but Toni just waved her off, she was in no mood to speak anymore, “Let’s go Sammy.”

The little boy looked sadly at the two girls, like he understood that something bad was going down, but then he latched onto Toni’s hand with quick steps to catch up.

Shelby stared at Toni’s back until she disappeared from view, her frown deepening and heart hammering inside her chest for some unknown reason. She felt hurt and rejected at first, and then confused because Toni could be barely considered a friend and Shelby knew she was not privy to many details about her life. No matter what kind of small talk they entertained during tutoring sessions, that encounter had quickly dampened her mood and reminded her that to Toni, she was nothing more than another person walking in and out of her life. 

Shelby refused to inquire further why that bothered her so much. 

“I’m sorry Shelby, are you okay?” Martha asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

Shelby looked at her, confusion still evident in her face, “What the hell just happened?”

*******

When Toni didn’t show up for her tutoring session at the beginning of the following week, Shelby tried not to take it personally, telling herself that maybe Toni couldn’t make it. She checked the phone multiple times, hoping to hear some news, but no message came. 

When Toni skipped on Wednesday too, Shelby packed her bag and made her way to the gym. Coach Young’s office was closed and no one seemed to be inside, but the closer she got the more she heard the familiar bounce of a ball and the swoosh of a basketball net. 

Toni was dripping in sweat, the black tank top she wore was damp and clung to her body like a second skin. 

Shelby took a moment to assess the other girl, blissfully unaware of being watched, while Toni kept dribbling fake opponents and leaping to shoot the ball. Her breath was quick and her limbs in continuous movement, she was playing with an intensity that didn't leave room for anything else. 

If Shelby hadn’t been so annoyed at the blatant disrespect of her time and the silent treatment she was receiving, she might have been impressed by how Toni didn’t miss a single shot. 

“We need to talk.” Shelby’s voice boomed inside the gym, making Toni jump an inch of her life. 

“Jesus fucking Christ! Didn’t anyone teach you not to sneak up on people?”

Shelby brushed off the remark and folded her arms, walking closer, “You can’t just skip tutoring sessions like that.”

“Oh really?” Toni challenged, “Cause I’ve just done it.”

“We had a deal.”

“No,” Toni shook her head, she walked to the sidelines and used a towel to dry her damp forehead and neck, “You and coach had a deal.”

“Well the deal involved you and you’re not respecting it.”

Toni laughed humorlessly, “Oh of course, the deal’s about me but no one actually asked me if I was okay with it. It’s always ‘Toni you have to do this, it’s for your own good, no matter if you understand it’, not like Toni has an actual choice!”

Shelby swallowed hard, the words hitting her close, and remained rooted to her place. Toni stared at her but her gaze was empty and far away, as if a different scenario was passing behind her eyes just for her to see. 

“And you know, I don’t give a shit that it might be for my own good, it would just be nice to have someone asking me what I actually want for once.”

Shelby sensed that the issue ran deeper and part of her desperately wanted to ask, but she only managed a stunned silence, taken aback by how much Toni's words managed to hit an exposed nerve within her. 

Toni chucked her water bottle and sweater inside the duffel bag and slung it over one shoulder, “Right, why the fuck am I even talking to you about this…” 

The gesture finally prompted Shelby into motion, rushing forward to stop her, “I’m sorry,” Toni snapped her head up at the words, “but you can’t just do this… you can’t just walk away like that.”

Toni shifted her weight from one leg to the other, not sure of what to make of Shelby’s almost pleading tone. 

“Why do you care? What difference does it make to you if I get into college or not?”

“None… but a deal’s a deal.”

Toni rolled her eyes and started to walk away, “Right, whatever Shelby.” 

“Come to my place!” 

That put a stop to Toni's quick pace and she turned around confused, “What?”

“To study.” Shelby clarified immediately, “Look, I get it, you don’t want to do this and that’s fine by me but… it’s just a week until your next report. If it fails then we’ll both talk to your coach about how all of this is just not working.”

“Why would I come to your place? Shelby, seriously, why the hell do you even care?” Toni gave a shrug like she genuinely didn't see a reason to prolong things further, “You want new friends in this place? Cool, go get them. You already got Marty, you can get other people to like you, you don't need me as your charity case.”

“That's not what this is about Toni.” Shelby countered and her voice sounded offended that Toni would even think such a thing. Think so low of herself. 

“Then what is this about, Shelby?”

“You're- I...” the blonde looked around, short of words for a moment. How could she even explain that she just liked having Toni around for no other reason than she was, well, Toni. “You're funny.”

“I'm funny?” Toni blinked at her in disbelief, “Alright, you've completely lost it, Shelby. See ya around.”

Shelby panicked and called after her, “I feel good when I'm around you, okay? Is that enough?”

Seeing that the brunette didn't move again, Shelby felt compelled to go on. 

“When I came here I didn't know what to expect or how- what would be of my life. And I know we're not really friends, but I like spending time with you. I've laughed with you more than I can remember in the last few years and you're so- I mean with you it's easy. It's easy to be around you and it makes me feel more like myself.”

Toni listened, her frown slowly disappearing at each one of Shelby's words.

“Look I know this whole tutoring thing is not what you wanted maybe, but I really just want to help. And here... it all seems so formal, like we’re pressured by school or well- whatever. Just give me a chance to help, Toni.”

Toni readjusted the strap digging on her shoulder and considered Shelby’s words with a serious expression before shaking her head, “I can’t do that. I have to look after Sammy and I gotta work.”

“Bring him too. He can play or watch tv, he won’t bother us and it’s just a few hours. Please.”

Toni stared at Shelby intensely, there was something akin to hope in her bright green eyes as if she truly wanted Toni to say yes, as if she could see more about her in a way that only Martha had been able to do before.

With a click of her tongue, Toni finally relented, “Is there a basketball court nearby where I can take some breaks?”

Shelby broke into a relieved smile, “Not sure about a court, but there are a bunch of children in the neighborhood you can play with.”

“I guess I could do that.” 

“Friday?”

Toni lifted the corner of her mouth, not a wide smiled like Shelby’s but a victory for the blonde nonetheless, “Friday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shelby really be walking a thin line here, uh? Not cool of Toni to bail without saying anything but hey I guess she'll make up for it ;) 
> 
> Really I have not much to say but thank you so much to those who are reading the story, I hope you're having a fun ride so far and thanks for letting me know or leaving kudos, it's all much appreciated <3
> 
> Cheers!


	8. part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know that,” Shelby scoffed, “I'm not just the white, rich, clueless girl you think I am.” 
> 
> Toni raised her hands innocently, “You said that, not me. Quite frankly you're not on my mind as much as you think you are.”
> 
> And ouch that stung - Shelby barely concealed the expression of hurt that flashed through her face, she was not about to give Toni that satisfaction. 
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Toni offers an apology and Shelby has something to show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup loves? I hope ya'll doing okay :)
> 
> new chapter for you and not much to say about it, hopefully it speaks on its own. Hold on, they're getting closer, we're getting there ;)
> 
> see ya at the end!

** 7. **

“Are you going to Church? Doing your morning readings?”

“Yes, daddy.” Shelby replied automatically, eyeing the Bible that sat on her bedside table untouched. 

She felt the familiar sting of guilt crushing her bones and took a deep breath, praying that it wouldn’t come through the phone. 

“Alright Shelbs,” her dad finally relented, “I’ll let you speak with your siblings now, they’ve been asking for you all week.” 

“Thanks, daddy.” 

Spencer and Melody barged through the receiver in full force and Shelby let out a relieved laugh, her tense shoulders easing up. 

“Hello troubles.” 

Miranda knocked to her door only when she heard Shelby hanging up and the blonde smiled at her, brushing away the few tears that were streaking her cheeks. 

“Hey aunt Miranda, what’s up?”

The woman offered an amicable grin back, “Everything okay at home?”

Shelby nodded, “Just missing the little guys, that’s all.” 

“Yeah, I imagine.” Miranda tilted her head thoughtfully and then motioned for Shelby to follow her. 

She guided them up to the attic, it was rather small, dusty and cluttered with boxes and old pieces of furniture. 

“What’s this?” Shelby asked curiously, aimlessly wandering around the few empty spaces. 

Miranda chuckled to herself, “I’ve always told myself that I would clean it sooner or later, but I kept putting it off and just storing here a bunch of crap through the years. Old things or things I didn’t want, things I outgrew but couldn’t bring myself to throw away.”

Shelby furrowed her brow reading the labels of a few boxes here and there, “And what do you want to do with it now?”

Miranda shrugged, “I thought we could go through it together, see if anything’s worth keeping, anything you like or need maybe.” 

“Seems you have stored a lot of books up here.” Shelby commented casually, testing how heavy a few of the boxes were. 

“Avid reader,” Miranda filled up, “Dave always complained I never played with him and always just read on my own.” 

A spark of something passed through Shelby’s eyes, “Is dad’s stuff here as well?”

“Some of it might, yeah.” Miranda nodded, “A lot of it he just threw it away and some other brought back to Texas. This was your grandma’s house before she married your grandfather.”

At Shelby’s silence, Miranda continued, “We don’t have to clean it up all, and we don’t have to do it together if you don’t want to. I just wanted to show it to you, see if it could take your mind away for a while.” 

Shelby blinked and then it came out of nowhere, the words spilling out before she could stop them. 

“Toni’s coming over to study on Friday.” 

Miranda looked mildly puzzled at the sudden mention, “Oh?”

“Is that okay?” Shelby looked apologetic, “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked first, I’m kinda tutoring her to help for the basketball scholarship.”

Miranda waved her hands to stop Shelby, a calm gesture to tell her everything was good, “It’s okay Shelby, you can invite your friends over. Even if you don’t need to study.”

“What?” Shelby almost choked on the word.

Miranda must’ve picked up the discomfort because she immediately smiled reassuringly, running a soothing hand down her niece’s arm, “I just meant if you wanted to have a movie night or just uhm… chill? Is that how you say it?”

Shelby let out an airy laugh, slowly letting her guard down around her aunt again, “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“Good.” Miranda patted her shoulder and started to make her way towards the door, “Feel free to look around.”

Before she could leave she turned around again though, “And Shelby? I’m glad you’re helping Toni out. Her situation… it’s tough, but she’s a good kid. I think it’d be good for you to be in each other's lives.”

*******

When Shelby opened the door on Friday afternoon, she was greeted by the same small boy she had seen at the ice cream parlor.

“Hello little man.” Shelby smiled, bending down to be at the child’s height. 

He waved his tiny hand at her while holding a patched up stuffed monkey with the other. 

Toni shuffled awkwardly behind him and Shelby got back to her full height to greet the other girl with a dazzling smile. 

“Toni, hey… I’m glad you could make it.” 

Toni rolled her eyes good-naturedly, “You kinda begged me for it.” 

Shelby chuckled at the remark, “Well I hope you’re not regretting it already.” 

Toni quirked an eyebrow, “We’ll see about that.” 

Shelby brought them to the living room, “I thought Sammy could play here, if he wants, or maybe my room upstairs? It’s not too big but I guess-”

“Shelby,” Toni stopped her, “it’s okay, really, I’m sure he’ll be happy to play anywhere really, and I brought him some toys anyway.” 

Shelby took notice of the small backpack Sammy was rummaging through. 

“Cool, yeah, then I thought we could study in the kitchen? Big table, good light and all?”

Toni tilted her head, unable to miss the nervous energy that seemed to surround Shelby when they were together. 

Was she tense? Was she scared? Toni couldn’t tell.

She only dropped the basketball in the living room and ruffled Sammy’s hair, “Hey little monkey, I’ll be in the kitchen studying with Shelby, okay? Anything happens you come to me, yeah?”

Sammy nodded distractedly, bumping two toy cars with each other. 

Following Shelby into the kitchen, Toni chuckled at the few bags of Takis and the Gatorade on the table. 

Shelby’s cheek flushed, “Oh yeah… I’ve got a few healthier snacks in here, but I figured I couldn’t go wrong with those.”

Toni dropped into one of the chairs, opening a pack of Takis, “Don’t go cream your pants, Shelby, you don’t have me all figured out.”

“Listen,” Toni said, fidgeting with her own hands while Shelby was retrieving books and pencil case from her backpack, “I'm sorry for the way I treated you and Marty the other day. I was having a shitty time and no, I don't wanna talk about it, but you didn't deserve for me to take it out on you. So I'm sorry.”

Shelby opened her mouth and then closed it, Toni could tell she wanted to say or maybe ask something, but in the end the blonde just settled for a nod, “Thank you. I can speak for Martha but apology accepted on my side.”

Toni waved a hand, “Marty and I are fine, we cleared things up.”

“You and her are very close, aren't you?” Shelby drummed her fingers on the table lazily, Toni seemed to get lost in the movement for a while before shaking herself off. 

“We go way back. She's family to me.” Toni shifted on the chair, “But I'm not here so you can grill me with questions and I have a math test soon, so can we jump to that?” 

*******

They studied in silence for the next two hours, Sammy running to the kitchen occasionally for water and food and then returning to his toys.

When Toni dropped her head to the table, Shelby could tell she was exhausted. 

“My brain is fried, I don’t think I could, like, retain a single information more.”

The blonde chuckled and stole a sip of Gatorade with a wince, “Jesus, how the hell do you drink this stuff voluntarily?”

Toni snatched the bottle from her hand with an offended expression, patting it like a baby, “Don’t listen to that mean lady, you’re the best drink a girl could ask for.”

Shelby cackled, “You’re so ridiculous.”

“So you’ve said before.” Toni shrugged nonchalantly, “Hey can we call it a day with all this school shit? Or like take a loooong break at least.”

Shelby nodded and then a glint sparked in her eyes, “Come with me, I’ve got something to show you.” 

Toni stared back puzzled but didn’t argue, telling Sammy she’d be back soon, and followed Shelby upstairs. 

“Did you just bring me up here so you can murder me and hide my body?”

“Of course.” Shelby played along and Toni cracked a smile.

“What would God think of it, Shelby?”

“We’ve conferred, he’s okay with it.” 

Toni shook her head with a laugh, “Asking permission to a man? Could never be me.” 

Shelby ignored the comment and went to draw the curtain of the only small window in the attic for better light. 

Toni frowned and looked around curiously, “What’s all this stuff?”

“I don’t really know. It’s like old stuff, my aunt and dad and grandma…”

“Oh cool, and what do you do with it?”

Shelby shrugged, “Aunt Miranda said I could go through it, clean it if I want, I mean I think she meant I could use it as my own space if I want to.”

Toni tilted her head to the side and quirked an eyebrow, “Ah typical white people, asking for free labor without actually asking.”

“Uh- no, no wait, that was not what I was-”

Shelby’s alarmed tone died down when Toni’s shoulders shook in laughter, “Relax Shelby, I’m messing with you. I think it’s a really cool thing from your aunt. It's like searching for hidden treasures.”

“I don't know if there's anything really valuable here, to be honest.”

Toni rolled her eyes, “Not every treasure has to be worth something, Shelby. It can just have emotional value, you know.”

“I know that,” Shelby scoffed, “I'm not just the white, rich, clueless girl you think I am.”

Toni raised her hands innocently, “You said that, not me. Quite frankly you're not on my mind as much as you think you are.”

And _ouch_ that stung - Shelby barely concealed the expression of hurt that flashed through her face, she was not about to give Toni that satisfaction. 

She sighed exasperatedly in the end, “ What I meant was that- we could do it together if you like. Maybe we can find some toys for Sammy or- or… I don’t know, just stuff?”

Toni briefly fidgeted with the feeling of being offended that this girl wanted to give her some old stuff she might have no use for, but then again there was no malice in Shelby’s tone and, as much as Toni hated it, she might’ve had a point. Sammy always begged for new toys and Toni didn’t really mind having used stuff, she was pretty much used to it by that point. 

What she deemed extremely important and worthy she would save up for, who cared if the rest was second-hand? It might've irked her a bit when she was younger, but now she had developed a sort of respect and even fascination for things that had a story before her.

Besides, there was a smaller, deeper, traitorous part of her that couldn’t shake the feeling that Shelby was asking her. She wanted to spend more time with her; time that didn’t involve school and half formal talks. Just more time with Toni.

It was a feeling that Toni was not really used to. Sure, Martha loved spending time with her and the Blackburn were always great to be around; Sammy looked at her like a big sister, and Regan… well, that was in the past — Toni thought. 

But Shelby? Perfect, newly come, straight A’s student and God-fearing Shelby wanted to spend more time with her?

Well, that was certainly a surprise to Toni. 

“Okay.” she agreed, trying to keep her hopes to a minimum, “but only if you come to the next basketball game.”

“I thought you were not playing until your grades were good again?” Shelby wondered out loud.

“The next report will be on coach’s desk during the week, but I have a feeling he won’t bench me after all the productive study hours we’ve done.” 

“You mean after all the bags of Takis you’ve wolfed down.” Shelby rolled her eyes good-naturedly, “I’ll think about it, my aunt is a fan of yours apparently and she goes anyway so.”

“I know,” Toni locked her gaze with Shelby more intensely, the green eyes burning right through her, “but I’m asking you to come.”

Shelby felt her breath catch inside the throat, heat suddenly flared to her neck and cheeks under Toni’s relentless stare. 

She nodded finally, “I’ll be there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I offer you a <3 and my gratitude for reading and sticking around. 
> 
> Fun fact: the stuffed monkey that Sammy has is a direct reference to The Changeover and in the movie it's really the favorite toy of the child who plays Erana's little brother. 
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter and I'll catch you next time!


	9. part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Add Shelby Goodkind to it.” Dot said and Toni snapped her head around so fast she almost gave herself whiplash.
> 
> “Shelby? You know her?”
> 
> “We come from the same city back in Texas.”
> 
> “Wait, wait, wait,” Fatin looked between them, “who’s this lady in our Toni’s life?”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Fatin wants to party and Toni might be a little more interested in Shelby than she thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup loves? Hope you're all good.
> 
> Just dropping this little chapter here, we're finally getting into more interesting territory, but in the meanwhile enjoy some bits of Dotin + grumpy Toni and Shelby sneaking around to find old (interesting stuff) ;)

**8.**

“I found a book you wrote in one of the attic boxes.” Shelby announced one day.

Miranda turned around from the stove where she was cooking the breakfast. 

They had easily developed this unspoken routine where Shelby would wake up early to go for a morning run around the neighborhood and then come back home for a quick shower, while Miranda would make breakfast for the two of them. 

Shelby always offered to help but she was always duly told to just relax and get ready for school. 

Granted it was a small routine, but it never failed to make the blonde smile and improve her humor before facing the long day ahead. 

“Really? Which one?” Miranda questioned in surprise. 

Shelby knew her aunt was a writer and a lecturer at the local college, but she had never really paid attention to that, she wasn’t even sure that her parents held copies of her aunt's books back in Fort Travis.

“ _Unanswered Prayers_ , I think it was called?”

“Oh…” the woman smiled like that simple sound could say much more than any explanation, and at Shelby’s curious look she only raised her eyebrows, “Did you read it?”

“No,” Shelby shook her head, then more shyly continued, “not yet at least, I wanted to ask if it was okay.”

“Of course it's okay, it’s published.” Miranda busied herself by putting a piece of toast and some scrambled eggs on her niece’s plate. 

“What’s about?” Shelby inquired through a mouthful of eggs. 

“If I tell you there’s no fun in reading it.” 

“Mom and dad don’t have copies of your books at home, not that I know of at least.” for some reason that piece of information was stuck in Shelby’s mind, like it could reveal something important if she just thought hard enough about it. 

Miranda smiled again, but this time the grin was forced and bittersweet, “I suppose not. If I know Dave well… it's nothing to be surprised about.” 

Shelby wanted to question why, what did that mean, but Miranda looked at the clock and pushed a glass of orange juice in Shelby’s direction.

“You better get a move or you’ll be late for school.”

*******

“Fatin, you can’t invite all the school to your party.”

“What do you mean I can’t? Of course I can and I will.”

Dot huffed, “Do you have any idea of the mess we could find ourselves into? The apartment would be trashed, without considering neighbors could call the police, and for God’s sake where would we even put all those people?”

Fatin and Dot shared an apartment in uptown Hopewell Lake and they were one of the most strange duos Toni had ever met. More like an unexpected one.

Fatin came from the Bay and after a brusque fallout with her family, they had mutually decided it was best if she just moved somewhere else. Toni didn’t know the full story, only bits and pieces of Fatin’s dad cheating and her exposing him which had backfired badly. Now she only visited them when necessary and more often than not only to see her younger siblings. 

Fatin's mother helped with the money, and that was the only way in which Fatin could afford the apartment in the first place. Toni could bet her mother was feeling guilty as hell after sending her daughter away and she was aware that Fatin missed her family at times, her old life. She had revealed one night - after hours of trashy tv and some vodka - that the major reason she had accepted the agreement with her parents was because it allowed her to escape a traditional Muslim school and gain her freedom. 

Toni never judged or argued with her choice, she knew it was not her place and, as a friend, she could understand why Fatin had chosen that way. But she couldn’t help wondering how it must’ve been to have that kind of family, that privileged life. On her part, Fatin had always been generous with her friends, offering Toni more than once a place to crash if she wished so. 

She also often joked about bringing Toni home as a fake girlfriend to piss her parents off even more,  “They would eat that shit up so good. Plus you’re hot as fuck, I wouldn’t even have to pretend liking you.”

“In another life we would've clearly been soulmates.” Toni had replied.

Fatin had clutched at her heart dramatically, “Oh Toni baby, don’t go breaking my heart, I want you in this life.”

Toni had laughed heartily and hugged her. It was good to have Fatin and Dot in her life; of course Martha meant to her more than anything in the world, but Toni loved her other friends dearly and her loyalty was unquestionable towards the people who managed to gain a place inside her heart. 

Fatin rolled her eyes at Dot and turned to Toni, who was slumped on the couch playing with the kitten Dot had rescued only a month prior, “Hey hot stuff, are you backing me up with this or do I have to do everything on my own?”

Toni shrugged, hand scratching the kitten lazily, “I don’t care how many people you invite really but maybe Dot has a point, this apartment is too small and anyway people at school are a bunch of idiots, I don’t know why you would want them all here.”

“Thank you!” Dot raised her hands to the ceiling, “Someone with actual reasoning here.” 

“Oh come on! Lame ass friends I have… how am I supposed to find Toni a girlfriend if we don’t select potential candidates?”

Toni turned around with a grimace, “First of all ew, that sounds so creepy; second, you don’t have to find me anything, I’m perfectly fine like this.” 

Fatin shot her a ‘seriously?’ look, “Not with that attitude, you can’t. Plus you’re grumpy.” 

“I’m always grumpy.” Toni defended.

“Yeah well you’re grumpier than usual, which means we put up a lot more with your bullshit.”

“I could always go to Martha’s if you don’t want me here.” the tone was neutral, like Toni didn't care much, but Fatin narrowed her gaze at her.

“Don’t stress that angel of a girl more than you already do.” 

“I’ve just been called a grump, a stress and a depressed single basically… anything you wanna add Dot?”

“Uh, we love you anyway?” Dot tried and Toni scoffed a laugh.

“Of course you do.” 

“Listen!” Fatin demanded attention once again, “We love Toni, God knows I’d jump her if she was less insufferable, but-”

“HEY!”

Fatin ignored her, “-BUT I’m still having the party.”

Dot groaned, “Okay, fine, you can have the party, all I ask for is only a handful of people to be invited.”

Fatin relented, “Alright, agreed, we’ll make a list then. The usuals and a few more, sounds good?”

“Add Shelby Goodkind to it.” Dot said and Toni snapped her head around so fast she almost gave herself whiplash.

“Shelby? You know her?”

“We come from the same city back in Texas.” Dot nodded, “Ah wait! Shit, she did mention you! How do you know her again?”

“Coach assigned her as my tutor.” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Fatin looked between them, “who’s this lady in our Toni’s life?”

Toni groaned, “Fatin not again.”

“Shut up, grumpy.” Fatin turned to Dot, “So? Is she cool in your book?”

For how much the two bickered, Fatin often looked up to Dot and asked for her approval; she trusted Dot’s judgment and, despite the initial doubts, Dot had learned that Fatin was very reliable when it came to serious matters.

“Yeah, she cool,” Dot shrugged, “We didn’t hang out much back then, but she was alright at school. Pageant princess and daddy’s girl, but like not in a mean girl kinda way.”

“Good enough for me.” Fatin jotted down Shelby’s name on the growing list of guests, “First candidate to win Toni’s heart.”

“You know what? I’m tired of this bullshit, I’m gonna shoot hoops at Marty's.” Toni grumbled, putting on her jacket and barely saying goodbye to the pair before leaving the apartment. 

Fatin shook her head to herself muttering a “totally an aries” and “good luck to whoever ends up with her” to herself.

*******

Shelby had thought about the party invitation for the rest of the week, Fatin’s words still playing inside her mind.

She had sounded so sure that Shelby would enjoy it, as if she knew more than what Shelby herself could see. 

“Think about it. Your new friend will be there as well.” Fatin had tilted her head towards Toni, busy speaking about some new game scheme to a fellow teammate, and winked. 

Shelby liked Fatin, the way she carried herself, sure of the person she was and she had Shelby wishing she could do the same. Not even a long time ago, Shelby herself believed that she truly knew who she was and what she wanted. 

But then the breakup with Andrew happened — he had it coming, Shelby knew it — and the kiss with Becca had all of her certainties spinning out of control. 

Shelby was not so sure of anything anymore. She felt like a stranger in a stranger’s land, wandering through dark alleys in search of a glaring exit sign. 

“Earth to Shelby?” Toni waved a hand in front of her face and Shelby rapidly blinked, returning to reality. 

“What’s up?” she tried to smile, but Toni didn’t seem convinced. 

“You okay? I saw Fatin walking away.”

“Yeah,” Shelby nodded, “she was just telling me about the party.”

Toni seemed to lighten up at the words, “Oh yeah, you coming?”

“Maybe, I don’t know yet.”

“Come on Shelby, live a little.”

Shelby smiled bashfully, “I don’t really know many people here.”

“That’s why you should come. It might not be as fancy as your Texan lame-ass parties, but we’re a nice bunch.” 

Shelby punched Toni’s shoulder playfully, “Language, Toni.”

“Sorry princess.” Toni raised her hands innocently, “But really, you should come. You can leave anytime you’re not having fun anyway.”

*******

The basketball game was happening at the end of the week and Toni felt good. Better than good. She felt like flying, like every time the chance to play her game and shine came. 

Coach Young had patted her on the shoulder proudly after the latest school report showed up on his desk, “I'm glad your hard work is paying off, Toni. Now let's raise hell this weekend for our opponents!"

For the past few games Toni had been benched most of the time, a way for the coach to show her that he was not playing around, but she was usually called to fill in and to score a few points for the team if they happened to slack during the game. 

She didn’t like it and she knew that Coach Young knew it, and if part of her respected his firm stance, another loathed it. Toni had been put through a lot already and each week was a battle with her foster parents; basket was her way out and being deprived of it felt like an undeserved punishment. 

She didn’t take pride in failing at school, she wasn't even a bad student, but life always found a way to get in the middle and Toni was left there to pick up the pieces over and over again. 

The thought of being tutored by Shelby had been like a bucket of cold water at first, but God forbid she’d go another game without playing with the bullshit excuse of her grades. Hell, she’d get all the help she could from Shelby. 

Then she had met Shelby herself.

Toni was curious about her, about why she moved to Hopewell Lake of all places. Where were her parents? What was she doing there? Who was she? 

Shelby was not shy and she didn't mind talking about herself, even though Toni didn't really pry for information. Except that she didn’t really say much about her life back in Texas: Toni was surprised to find out how much Shelby talked about Texas without actually saying much.

The thing that startled Toni the most was that the blonde actually liked her company. It was new and somehow weird for the two of them to get along given the massive difference in interests. But Shelby laughed freely at Toni's jokes and was usually very patient when Toni didn’t really feel like studying — and she almost always brought Takis and Gatorade, which scored her the majority of points in Toni's opinion.

Toni was surprised by how much the blonde seemed to get her even through her silences, and she seemed to have an endless source of ways for them to spend time together. Whenever Shelby sensed it was a bad day for Toni, she never pressed with questions, only found easier topics to study together and kept the tutoring sessions as brief as possible, allowing Toni to be on her way and on her own as much as she needed.

“I don’t know Marty, she doesn’t say that much but she, like, gets it, y’know?” Toni had said to her best friend one day, “Like, I’ve seen her with others and she’s all rainbows and shit but with me… I don’t know, she’s different.”

“You sure you didn’t intimidate her or something?” Martha teased playfully but Toni shot her a serious look. 

“No I mean, I don’t think so… I’m not even angry or annoyed when I’m with her, and I know we come from different worlds, like shit that’s not even a question, but somehow it doesn’t seem to make a difference between us, you know?”

Martha didn’t really know, Shelby was ‘all rainbow and shit’ with her and Martha liked her for that. She h ad noticed how Shelby sat alone at times, lost in her own mind as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders, but it was a rare occurrence and the blonde was usually quick to get rid of her pensive moods.  The thought that there might've been more to Shelby's cheerful façade had crossed Martha's mind once or twice, but she had never found a valid reason to confront the blonde about it, nor she had thought it was her business . 

So, while Martha didn’t fully understand what Toni meant, she listened to her best friend and offered advice when needed. 

And while she didn’t point it out, Martha couldn’t also help but notice how relaxed Toni was when she talked about Shelby and how much she seemed to smile when she recalled some of their time together. 

Martha only hoped that it wouldn’t backfire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess now is quite clear why the title of the story is Answered Prayers, but the question is what's inside that book? Will Shelby find out? Who knows who knows (well I do, and you can find out if you keep reading) ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading and if you feel like dropping me a line or ask anything just go for it, I promise I'm nice :) <3
> 
> PS: my brain is a little fried today so I hope there are no mistakes in the chapter cause I edited it a bit, if there are just let me know so I can fix it, and anyway I'll make sure to double-check tomorrow.


	10. part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Toni’s smile crashed just like that.
> 
> No.
> 
> It couldn’t be-
> 
> Shelby wouldn’t, would she?
> 
> \- 
> 
> or the one where Toni's hopes come crashing down, Shelby might finally find the answers she's searching for and Leatin makes an appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup loves?
> 
> I hope you're all doing well. 
> 
> Well well, a little bit of drama because things can't just be fine, can they? Believe it or not, I was dreading having to write this part because even if I know that shoni is endgame, my heart breaks a little when I have to write them fighting. But oh well, this moment had to come. 
> 
> I struggled a bit because I wanted to maintain part of the original conversation in the show but I also wanted to make it a bit different and fit the current situation they're in, so here's my attempt and I hope you like it. 
> 
> I'll catch you at the end <3

** 9. **

Shelby went to the game with her aunt Miranda. The gym was packed with students and parents mostly cheering for the home team. 

Someone announced the players one by one and Shelby couldn’t help her heartbeat picking up when Toni’s turn came. 

“-she hoops like a boss, best you don’t cross. Number 3, Toni Shalifoe!”

The gym went nuts for their captain and Toni was all smiles when she jumped up and down, doing some silly moves to make everyone laugh before taking a spot next to another teammate. 

Shelby saw her waving to Fatin, Dot, Martha and a few other people she didn’t really know yet. Toni searched with her eyes for someone else and lowered her gaze with a slight frown when she didn’t find them. 

It only lasted a few moments though. The lines broke and the players started to warm up while the school band started to play. Toni unzipped her sweater and threw it on the bench, and when her gaze finally lifted she met Shelby’s dazzling smile and green eyes. 

Toni felt a sudden rush to her cheeks and a grin just as big broke on her lips. It was impossible to hear or say something in the middle of the uproar, so she only nodded in acknowledgment to Shelby and Miranda. 

She shrugged off her pre-game nerves and took a deep breath closing her eyes, she needed to get in the zone and then everything would come flowing at her hands. Toni knew she could do it, she was a natural when it came to basketball. 

And so the game started. Toni scored three-pointers after three-pointers; she was light on her feet almost like dancing, running from one end of the court to the other, breathing down their opponents’ neck and taking advantage of all their little mistakes. 

They were not the toughest team out there the Firebirds had to face, but Toni never let her guard down the whole match. She didn’t know if college scouts were there that night, but in case they were, Toni would make sure to give them a show. 

The game ended and the Firebirds won with over twenty points on the other team. Toni shook a few hands and accepted praises from her teammates that were already partying on the court. She walked to the benches, downed an entire orange Gatorade and patted the sweat from her face with a dry towel.

A pair of hands spun her around and, before Toni could protest, Fatin was hugging her. 

“You champ!” 

Toni chuckled, “Chill Fatin, we didn’t win state championship or something.” 

“Great game, dude.” Dot slapped Toni’s shoulder. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Martha said, also squeezing her best friend and Toni breathed in relief. 

That was her family, maybe not by blood but a found family, and it felt good to feel the unconditional love and pride that came from them.

“Marty B, you know it baby!”

Leah also side-hugged Toni, scrunching her nose playfully, “Go shower, you stinky sock.”

Toni laughed, “Right right, yo look you guys can go if you want, I’ll catch a ride to Fatin and Dot’s place for the party soon.” 

“No way, we’re waiting for you.” Fatin stated, “No Toni, no party.” 

“Okay that shit is cringe as fuck, but I’ll let it pass cause it’s cute. I’ll be back.” 

Instead of making a beeline for the locker room, Toni scanned the diminishing crowd, hoping to catch a familiar blonde head or-

“Hey,” came softly from behind her.

Toni turned around, breath short and the hint of a smile on her lips already, “Hey Shelby.”

“Good game out there.” 

“Oh hell yeah, we crushed them.”

Shelby laughed at the cockiness, “I think you scored more than half the points... not that I actually know something about basketball.”

Toni shrugged, “Gotta make my college resume look good, you know.” t hey both laughed this time, then after a beat, “I’m glad you came.”

A glint passed through the green eyes, “Me too.”

Toni didn’t even realize they had stepped closer, her hand softly brushed against Shelby’s, their fingers barely curling together-

“Toni! That was amazing!” 

Miranda made them jump apart. It was only an instant but Toni noticed the sheer panic that passed through Shelby’s features. The more cautious and cynical part of her wanted to inquire, but Miranda’s presence demanded her attention and Toni fixed a smile for her. 

“Miranda, thank you for coming, you know I really appreciate you taking the time.” 

“Pleasure is all mine, Toni.” 

Suddenly a thought crossed Toni’s mind and she turned her full attention to Shelby.

“Hey, are you coming to the party in the end?”

Shelby threw a glance behind Toni’s shoulders, her group of friends were chatting and bickering, “Oh, I don’t know really-”

“It’s Friday night Shelby,” Miranda intervened, “you should go out and have fun.” 

Toni smiled gratefully when Miranda winked at her, “You heard your aunt, what do you say?”

Shelby finally nodded and relaxed her shoulders, “Party it is then.”

“Cool! Yeah so we’re riding with Dot and Leah, and I really need to get a shower now.” 

Toni excused herself, saying goodbye to Miranda and then squeezed Shelby’s arm, “See you later, princess.” 

*******

To Dot’s utmost joy, the party seemed to be more of a small gathering. Fatin had invited other people but she had kept her word and the situation didn’t seem out of control.

A few drinks and beers were passed around and the people all spread out around the apartment.

Shelby was hanging out with Martha talking about something and Dot joined them with a bowl of Doritos. Toni turned her head to look at them, an easy smile curved her lips while she was sprawled on the couch trying to follow something that Fatin and Leah were saying. 

The doorbell rang and the Reid sisters made their entrance. Toni almost stumbled down the couch and quickly embraced Nora.

“Nora! It’s nice to see you here.” Nora smiled shyly and waved at the girls behind Toni, “Hey you managed to sneak Rachel out of the pool I see, hard task.”

“Get off my dick, Shalifoe.” Rachel playfully punched Toni’s arm.

The two had only met a handful of times, but they seemed to get each other from the get-go. Fatin insisted it had to do with athletes’ hormones and something else about being competitive as hell, but Toni didn’t really care for any of that.  She liked Rachel’s go-get-it attitude and she admired her commitment. She agreed with Nora that it was all a bit too much at times, but Toni didn’t really like to intrude in family matters and anyway, it was not like she had the best track record when it came to what was too intense and what not. 

“Oh you know I don’t ride any of that, Rach.” she winked at the older twin. 

Toni was so busy laughing that she didn’t see Shelby snapping her head up at those words, or felt the burning gaze on her back. Instead, she draped an arm around Nora’s shoulders and dragged her to the other end of the couch.

“Nora, you know Marty and Dot of course, and this is Shelby, she’s new in town.”

Shelby put on her best smile and shook Nora’s hand. Nora didn’t seem that fond of parties, but she seemed fine being around the people she knew and so she pretty much stuck around the small group of girls. 

Dot offered her a drink and Nora finally spoke in Shelby’s direction, “Hello, I work with Toni.”

Toni gently bumped her brow against Nora’s head affectionately, “Nora’s hands down the best latte artist we have in all Hopewell Lake.”

They both sat down between Shelby and Dot and started talking animatedly and the evening went on. 

The shift happened when Fatin — halfway drunk — announced a round of Never Have I Ever under the cheers of some and whistles of others. 

Shelby bit her lower lip, thinking the game was harmless enough and that with her being the newcomer of the group the girls would go lightly.

The first few rounds went around quite uneventfully, until Leah's turn, “Never Have I Ever kissed a girl.” 

Fatin rolled her eyes at her and leaned to the side to catch Leah’s lips in an unexpected kiss. It lasted only a few seconds but it was enough to turn Leah’s cheeks a deep shade of red and to have Fatin smirking at her in satisfaction.

“Well now you have, you can drink up.” 

Shelby felt her blood run cold and something inside her moved like an alarm going off, her whole body tense, ready to jump and run if necessary. 

The rest of the girls cheered on when Leah recovered enough to surprise Fatin with a kiss of her own. There was a ‘get it girl!’ from Dot and ‘y’all go to your damn room’ from Rachel, but it was Toni that caught Shelby’s whole attention.  The brunette was clapping with Martha at the pair before turning around with a wide smile still dancing on her lips, wanting to tell Shelby it was about time her friends put the pedal to the metal, but all she found was Shelby’s tight jaw, her green eyes staring a hole through both Fatin and Leah’s heads. 

And Toni’s smile crashed just like that. 

_No._

It couldn’t be-

Shelby wouldn’t, would she?

Toni barely had the time to ask, “Shelby, are you alright?” that the blonde jumped up like a spring and darted to the front door under everyone’s baffled gaze. 

Well _shit_.

“Toni, what did you do?” Martha turned to her best friend.

Toni’s eyebrows shot up almost to her hairline, “ME? I haven’t done or said a single thing.” 

“Uh, who knew Shelby literally had no chill.” Dot commented with half a laugh to break the tension but the silence in the room remained thick.

“What did we miss?” Fatin re-emerged from her bubble with Leah and looked around, “Wait, where's blondie? What the hell happened to her?”

Toni felt several pairs of eyes on her at the same time and just scoffed, “Seriously, why are y’all looking at me for? I only asked if she was okay because she was so fucking pale while Fatin and Leah were sucking faces.”

Rachel tsked, “I don’t even know why we’re surprised she’s a homophobe.” the eyes shifted on her but Rachel seemed non-fussed, “I mean she’s all one with the Bible and doesn’t she come from Texas?”

“Hey!” Dot chimed in half offended, “Not everyone who comes from Texas is an asshole.”

Fatin slapped Dot’s arm, “Didn’t you say she was fine when you asked me to invite her? What's this Westboro Baptist Church shit?”

Dot cradled the sore limb, “I also said I haven’t been in contact with her for years. She never said anything that stood odd to me.” 

“Hello?" Fatin didn't relent, "You never knew she was a Jesus freak Bible-thumping homophobe-”

Toni stood up abruptly, shaking her head in disappointment, “I’m out of here.”

“Toni—” Martha tried but Toni waved it off.

“I’m fine Marty, I mean fuck Shelby and her shitty views, I just need some air, alright? I’ll be back.” 

None of the other girls tried to stop her when Toni picked up her Carharrt jacket and made her way out of the door. 

The cold air of the night hit her face bluntly and made her skin prickle, like tiny needles were poking at her cheeks and forehead as she inhaled deeply, letting the cold settle inside her lungs and clear her mind. 

She couldn’t believe she had let herself think that Shelby could be… different. 

After the small glances during their tutoring sessions, the offers to go study at her place, her kindness with Martha and pretty much everyone else Toni had seen her interacting with. 

Toni scoffed to herself, really what was she expecting? Shelby probably didn’t even consider the fact that Toni was gay and just because she liked to be around her and showed her a bit of attention didn’t have to mean that she _liked_ Toni. 

And Toni felt that it was on her for believing that maybe—

Something caught the corner of her eyes and Toni swiftly turned around, ready to face whoever or whatever it was. 

A few feet away, sat on the front step of another apartment, there was Shelby. She was sitting there silently, her gaze fixed on the dark road in front of her but unfocused and Toni couldn’t help the scoff. 

Shelby jerked as if something loud had gone off in the vicinity and turned to face the brunette with a sigh. 

“You didn’t need to come check up on me.” 

Toni chuckled sarcastically, “Bold of you to assume I’m here for you, I just needed some air.” 

“Okay…” Shelby nodded, then, unsure, she continued, “look, Toni, I don’t wanna fight. I didn’t mean for any of that—”

“Save it, Shelby.” Toni shoved both hands inside the pocket of her pants to avoid showing the tight fists, “I really don’t care to hear about how you’re all for that hate the sin not the sinner bullshit. Maybe your people in Texas might believe it and if that’s the case, you should consider going back.” 

The words stung, Toni could see it in the way Shelby’s face fell and then hardened, but she tried not to let it bother her. She was hurt first.

“You know nothing about me or where I come from.” 

“Maybe not,” Toni shrugged, “but I’ve seen your reaction when things got a little too gay for you back there. You fucking shuddered and I’m sorry to break it to you, but that’s hate. The least you could do is own it.”

Toni could tell she had hit a nerve because Shelby was getting increasingly frustrated, scraping at her lower lip with her teeth and huffing.

“I never said that. I don’t— you have no idea of the person I truly am or… or what kind of problems I have despite thinking you do, you know?”

“Okay, let’s hear all about it, princess.”

Shelby blinked, not sure if Toni was giving her a serious opportunity to explain herself or just another attempt at shutting her out, but she jumped at the occasion. 

“You don’t know how it feels like having to be this… pitch-perfect person all the time, like— like people are asking me to fulfill some kind of expectations and it’s never enough.” Shelby exhaled in exhaustion, like bringing back those thoughts pained her physically, “It’s just hard, the pressure.”

“Okay maybe don’t come talk to me about hard, alright? Look, I’m sorry if the hem of your dress is a centimeter off regulation or your heels wobble a little, but you literally signed up for that shit.” Toni spat out relentlessly. 

Shelby shook her head, feeling the situation spiraling out of control again, “This is not just about pageants, you don’t get it. When everyone expects you to—”

“Why?” Toni cut her off abruptly, “Because no one expects shit from me? Yeah, you’re right Shelby, nobody does and it doesn’t feel so fucking great as you might think. You know how many field trips I had to bail on because no one was there to sign my permission slip? And, you know, I might not give a fuck about going to the Planetarium but it would’ve been nice to have someone saying that I could.”

“But you’re free! How can you not see that? You don’t have to answer to anybody of what you do or… who you are.”

And that was so unexpected that it had Toni blinking in disbelief. The silence only seemed to fuel Shelby’s courage even more.

“You think you have no one but Martha loves you and your coach wants to see you succeed! They care, Toni.”

“So what? You’re jealous of me for being free? Shelby, you don’t have to answer to anybody here too! Maybe have a little chat with yourself or God or who knows what about why you’re so fucking afraid to be your true self.”

Shelby shook her head frantically, “That’s not what I was—”

But Toni was not listening anymore, “Yeah whatever..." she scoffed, “I’m going back inside.”

*******

Shelby wanted to slam the door and cry out loud; in the semi-darkness of the living room a mirror gave back her image, tears streaming down her face and messing up the make-up, her hands balled into tight fist… she wanted to smash the mirror too. 

Such anger had never coursed through her veins. Anger against Becca for telling her parents about the kiss and putting Shelby in that position with her dad. Anger against her father for sending her away without a second thought, his disgusted look still burnt in Shelby’s mind. 

Above all, anger and sorrow against herself. Her reflection stared back almost mockingly as if to tell Shelby ‘look, this is what you do. You break things and disappoint people’. 

It seemed to her that she could still see Toni’s face at the party, realization descending upon her. The smile slowly fading, the shock, then the disappointment, features hardening and then, outside, Toni’s own anger starting to bubble up and ready to explode. 

Shelby knew she deserved it, shell-shock in the street receiving Toni’s harsh words and hard stares; but a part of her kicked and screamed to just grab Toni by the shoulders and yell ‘I’m not like this! Please believe me. I’m nothing like this, I’m just like you!”

She dragged herself upstairs, trying to be silent because her aunt was probably long asleep and collapsed with her back against the door of her room in silent sobs. 

Why couldn’t she just be good? For herself, for her family, for others? What would the Lord think of her failures building up one after the other? 

Shelby could even hear her father voicing the disappointment after the kiss with Becca, — the ‘accident’, as he called it —

_“You’re not like that Shelbs, I know you, but your mother and I are very worried about you. Maybe you need some time off, away from here. It’ll be okay. It’s for your own good.”_

Her own good — Shelby didn’t even know what that sentence truly meant anymore. 

Did they really believe that or was it just an excuse to avoid scandal in their little church community? Was it not to tarnish the Goodkind reputation that Dave thought it better to send away his first daughter?

And Toni — _oh god Toni_ — Shelby’s body shook with another sob. Toni had been so good to her, letting Shelby in her world little by little. Building small amount of trust with each day.

Shelby hid her face between her knees and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore. 

When she managed to calm down, she washed her face with freezing cold water, trying to avoid her own red-rimmed eyes in the mirror, and slipped into her pajamas. Her leg kicked something in the midst of the covers and the copy of _Unanswered Prayers_ peeked out. 

Shelby sighed, she felt tired but her mind was way too alert to fall asleep, and she knew she would’ve just ended up sulking all way through the morning anyway. So she picked up the book and opened it.

_Unanswered Prayers_ by Miranda Goodkind, recited the title.

There was an annotation on the first blank page that had Shelby frowning in confusion — _‘To JoBeth Goodkind, with all the blessing for her and the new life growing inside her.’_

Did her aunt Miranda personally send her mother a copy of the book? Shelby was certain she had never seen it at home on display, but then again she was not certain of what her parents might be hiding behind private doors, places where not her or her siblings were allowed to look at. 

Shelby checked the date inside the book which confirmed her suspicion; her aunt must've given the book as a gift to JoBeth while she was pregnant with Shelby. 

Shelby lingered on that thought for a few seconds before turning to the first page, her mind roaming with thoughts of why she had never heard of that story and why her aunt’s books were nowhere inside her house. What could they ever hide? They were just books, weren't they?

The answer — or part of it — was between her hands now and Shelby wondered if she truly wanted to know.

Deep down, inside her, something moved as if a blurred-out answer was trying to finally reach her. 

Now that she could know, she _had_ to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What?" you might say "no final panicky kiss???" - well... I did say it was a bit different. But don't worry, kisses will come ;)
> 
> Fun fact: the theme of Shelby finding this book (which you will find more about it in the chapters coming) and relating to it was one of the major things that made me want to write this story. Now, the book itself is not THAT important in terms of what will happen between shoni, however it is an important finding for Shelby to understand more of her aunt and her family in general, and a catalyst for her feelings in a way, you'll see how later on. So, I guess the point is that the book will have a resonance through the rest of the story, but truthfully it's much wider in Shelby's head than in a physical matter (like perhaps Leah's book had in the show) 
> 
> I hope this isn't too confusing but anyway, feel free to come chat with me if you want on twitter (@ClexaIn) or drop me a line if you wish so. 
> 
> See you soon!


	11. part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, do you wanna tell me what happened last night?”
> 
> “Oh aunt Miranda…” Shelby's chest deflated, “I think I’ve made a mess with Toni.”
> 
> “Toni uh? She’s been around quite a lot lately.”
> 
> “To study!” Shelby immediately clarified, much to Miranda’s amusement.
> 
> “Shelby it’s fine,” she chuckled, “look, for what’s worth it, friend or more, I told you Toni’s good. Life’s not easy on her, but her heart is in the right place.”
> 
> “Yeah uh she- I mean I think… I like her, as in more than a friend.” Shelby confessed almost in a whisper.
> 
> \- 
> 
> or the one where Shelby finally pours her truth and Toni is there to pick her up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup loves? I hope you're all doing fine and things are okay. 
> 
> TW // MENTIONS OF CONVERSION THERAPY IN THIS CHAPTER
> 
> Hope you enjoy and see you at the end!

** 10. **

Miranda was pouring some freshly brewed coffee when Shelby stormed the kitchen. 

“Oh dear… what happened to you? You look pale.”

Shelby was aware that her hair must’ve been tousled and she had bags under her eyes, but she just waved her aunt’s concern off. 

“I need to talk to you about something.” 

Miranda nodded but she looked at Shelby unconvinced, “Shelby, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t seem-”

“I’m fine.” Shelby cut short, then she almost slammed _Unanswered Prayers_ on the table, “I have questions aunt Miranda and… I need your help.” 

Miranda eyed the book and then her niece, a sigh leaving her lips. Shelby looked like she had not touched the bed the night before and Miranda started to put the pieces together. 

“Okay,” she said calmly, the last thing Shelby needed was to add more agitation to her already hyper-aware senses, “we’ll talk, but I need to finish making breakfast first and you look like you're in need of a shower.”

Shelby swallowed and managed a nod, more reassured than when she had entered the kitchen. 

“And you’ll tell me everything?”

Miranda stared at her niece in a mix of compassion and deep understanding, “Shelby, I want you to know that I’ll help you however I can. What you do with those answers, once you have them, it’s up to you.” 

Shelby descended the stairs twenty minutes later feeling more awake and calm, her hair still halfway damp was pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head and her face was bare of all makeup and the residual tears from the night before. 

Miranda pushed a plate in Shelby’s direction with a knowing smile, “I know it’s not exactly Texas, but I thought it could help.” 

Shelby’s eyes lit up and she moaned at the first bite of her breakfast taco. It was different from the ones she had back in Fort Travis, or the ones her mother occasionally made - mostly when her father was out early or away for a mission trip - but it tasted like home nonetheless. 

“Thank you aunt Miranda.” she said through the bites and the woman only nodded. 

Miranda traced the spine of the book, the hint of a smile when she found the annotation inside to Shelby’s mother. 

“So I take it that you've read it?”

Shelby gulped down a generous sip of fresh orange juice and licked her lips, “Last night.”

“Is that why you haven’t slept?”

Shelby felt her cheeks heating up, “Sort of, I- well there was something else too.”

Miranda looked at Shelby puzzled but didn’t press further.

“Is it true? The story in the book?” Shelby asked out loud after a few seconds. 

“Yes and no.” Miranda tapped on the book cover and tilted her head to the side, “You see, Shelby, if the story is real or not doesn’t have that much importance, but the feelings were… god, they were very real.” 

“You loved her, didn’t you? She was real, the woman in the book.”

Miranda smiled bittersweetly, “She was very real and we were together for quite a long time.”

Shelby swallowed and stepped closer, her hand itched to take her aunt’s in a gentle grasp, “Will you tell me about her?”

Miranda exhaled a laugh, eyes glassy from unshed tears, “Let’s go talk in the living room.”

*******

“So dad sent you away to this camp… just like that?”

Miranda pursed her lips, “Your grandad agreed with Dave. It was a long time ago and I didn’t stay there for long, but it was terrible and I still dream of it sometimes. Of being there, listening to the things they said.” 

Shelby felt something akin to despair and rage stirring in her stomach uncomfortably, “How did you get out? Did you tell them you were- you know… fixed?”

Miranda squeezed her niece’s shoulder, she could see how loaded the simple word was, like a trigger ready to fire and tear through her thin defenses.

“I ran away from it.”

Shelby widened her eyes, “You ran? Where did you go?”

“I had some money from part-time jobs hidden away, I boarded the first train I could and got away from that godforsaken place. Never went back home again. But it was only later that I met her, the woman in the book.”

Shelby only blinked at the new information, “Where is she now?”

Miranda shrugged again, this time the smile on her lips was forced, “I don’t know. Somewhere in the world.”

“Why aren’t you two together? And what about the story of the book? Did any of that happen?”

“Life got in the middle… we were so young at the time and everything seemed infinite, we thought we would be together forever.” Miranda squeezed Shelby’s hand, “The story well- it didn’t happen exactly like that, it was more of the things we talked about, the future we dreamt to have.” 

Shelby relaxed against the couch, she felt exhausted as if the retelling of her aunt’s past could bear her weight on her too. She had felt every single word of the book, every feeling described, the longing, the acceptance and the love she so much craved and wanted to give. 

Her thoughts had gone to Becca at first, to their little moments together. Shelby ached to know how Becca was, what had been of her in Texas, but the feeling Shelby felt stirring inside her, she knew that Becca did not reciprocate it, not like that anyway. 

The more Shelby read the previous night, the more everything shifted and took different forms, a different face, another smile, and before Shelby even knew it, the eyes burning inside her mind were Toni’s.

Everything was suddenly Toni. Shelby could feel her laugh, the deep sound of her voice and see the cocky smile after a three-pointer. Toni playing around with Sammy and just _Toni_.

Shelby blinked sharply when another thought crossed her mind and brought her back to the present, “The little girl in the book, the one they adopt in the end- you named it after me.”

Miranda shook her head, patiently waiting for the penny to drop, then Shelby widened her eyes in understanding, “It was me- mom read the book when she was pregnant and she… that’s why she gave me this name.” 

Her aunt finally nodded and then stared at Shelby more seriously, “JoBeth called me, she told me what happened with Becca and— she was scared Shelby… like really scared, scared that your dad was going to send you to that same place he sent me.”

Shelby paled visibly, her breath quickened. He wouldn’t have, would he? She hated how deep down she already knew the answer; her father would have totally sent her to that conversion therapy camp.

“I don’t know exactly how she convinced Dave to change his mind,” Miranda continued, “she only asked me if you could stay here, said that she was going to take care of the rest, and I said yes. I would have never let that happen, regardless of what you were going through or what you had to figure out.”

Shelby didn’t stop the few tears that fell down her cheeks and held her aunt’s hand tighter.

“Thank you, aunt Miranda.”

It was a thank you worth it thousand times over. Miranda leaned forward to pull Shelby in a warm embrace, feeling how much they both needed it. 

A few minutes passed in silence and only when Shelby seemed more at ease Miranda spoke again, “Now, do you wanna tell me what happened last night?”

“Oh aunt Miranda…” Shelby's chest deflated, “I think I’ve made a mess with Toni.”

“Toni uh? She’s been around quite a lot lately.”

“To study!” Shelby immediately clarified, much to Miranda’s amusement.

“Shelby it’s fine,” she chuckled, “look, for what’s worth it, friend or more, I told you Toni’s good. Life’s not easy on her, but her heart is in the right place.” 

“Yeah uh she- I mean I think… I like her, as in more than a friend.” Shelby confessed almost in a whisper. 

Miranda pulled herself up from the couch and offered her hand, “Tell you what, how about you and I go for a nice walk out today and you tell me what happened that is so terrible? See how we can fix this Toni-shaped situation.”

And Shelby laughed freely. God, it felt so good to let go of the hidden fear, the nagging anxiety of not being good enough, of being wrong. She knew she still had so much to figure out on her own, but feeling free and careless in her talk gave her new hope that something new, something better, might even come out of her mistakes. 

“I’d like that.”

** *** **

Toni avoided Shelby for a week. Whenever Shelby saw her in the hallways of the school the brunette was always in a rush or pretended not to see her. The only time Shelby had dared to approach her locker, she had been ignored and met with a cold shoulder. Her texts went unanswered and, while Dot, Fatin, Nora and Martha still talked to her, it was nothing more than pleasantries mostly. 

Shelby was not sure if Toni had actually said something about their conversation outside, but even if nothing specific of their fight had reached the others, it was clear that they had detected what was going on. And it was also clear that Toni was family to them and Shelby an outsider. Not to mention that Shelby's homophobia had no justification; it really wasn't difficult at all to understand which girl they were siding with.

The tutoring sessions halted for the whole week and Shelby was convinced that Toni might've even called the deal off with Coach Young, but when the man had approached Shelby saying that Toni refused to speak up about the matter, Shelby was not exactly sure what to do. 

She waited the whole weekend, spending time on the sundeck with her aunt, reading some more, finishing up homework, and doing everything that could prevent her from getting stuck in her own thoughts. Miranda had suggested giving Toni some more time, reminding Shelby there wasn’t much to do when someone’s feelings and trust got hurt and betrayed. Toni's emotions ran wild, Shelby had seen that first-handly, so it didn't take much for Shelby to understand how hurt she must've felt from her behavior. 

And Shelby had tried on her part, she really did. Except finding out that apparently even her own patience could run out, when she stumbled across the coffee shop Toni worked while she was out on a jog. 

Shelby bit her lower lip, trying to peek through the front window to check if Toni was on shift. The sun didn’t give her much visibility, reflecting her image off the glass more than anything, but in a glimpse, Shelby recognized the familiar ponytail and she caught a flash of Toni’s customer smile. 

It was nothing like her real smile, Shelby thought, the one that made her heart flutter inside her chest and made her want to feel it against her lips.

Shelby entered the shop, the pungent and rich smell of coffee and sugary freshly baked pastries immediately filling her nostrils. 

“Hello, good morning Shelby, how can I help you?” Nora stood at the till with a polite smile, ready to pick up her order.

Shelby wondered for a moment if she was just pretending, unable to read the other girl well, but then decided she had something more important to take care of. 

“Oh uhm hey Nora, I- I’m actually searching for Toni?”

Nora eyed her for a moment with a curious expression before calling over her shoulder, “Toni? Someone’s here for you.”

Shelby heard a muffled “coming!” and a second later the staff reserved door opened.

“Marty I told you I had a shift today-” Toni stopped dead in the tracks when her eyes met Shelby’s, “oh…”

Shelby smiled unconvincingly, “Hey.”

Toni turned to Nora and subtly motioned with her head, “I’ll take this, don’t worry.” then she turned to the blonde again, “What do you want, Shelby? You got lost or something?” Toni crossed her arms to the chest. 

Shelby quickly looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to them and stepped closer to the counter, “Could we talk? Maybe outside?”

Toni scoffed, “Why? You gonna tell me how disgusting and sinful I am? How God won’t let me in heaven if I go down this path?”

“No, I- Toni, please, I just want to talk… let me explain.”

“Explain what?” Toni barely concealed her anger, trying to keep her voice low as best as possible, “You can’t preach the gay away, Shelby.”

Shelby again looked behind her shoulders and Toni chuckled darkly, “Look at you, you even shudder at the word. What the fuck do you want?”

“Toni, I’m asking you please, _please_ , just give me the chance to explain.”

And maybe it was the fact that Shelby’s voice cracked, or maybe it was the sadness and fear that Toni saw inside those deep green eyes, or maybe — hard as it might be — Toni’s resolution always faltered when she was around Shelby. 

Her traitorous heart picking up whenever the blonde was near and Toni didn’t know how to stop herself from liking, wanting, longing to be close to this girl who had just waltzed her way into her life.

She sighed and glanced at the clock, then back at Shelby, “I get off in ten minutes.”

*******

Shelby waited outside, her foot tapping anxiously against the concrete and her hands wrangled together, unable to stay still. 

Toni walked out the back door in her signature Carhartt caramel jacked and hair flowing freely behind her shoulders. 

“You need another minute?” she walked towards Shelby, somewhat more friendly, “You know, so you can actually open a hole on the pavement.” 

Shelby cracked a smile, grateful for Toni’s playful tone that broke the tension. 

“I’m good.” Shelby steadied herself.

Toni looked at her unconvinced, “Well you said you wanted to talk, how about you start speaking then?”

Shelby tensed again, “Right, uh- yeah, you’re right… would you like to walk back with me? We can talk on the way.” then, shyly, Shelby admitted, “I might actually be a bit lost. I was out on a run and didn't really check my surroundings.”

Be it another person, Toni would’ve told them to fuck off, that she didn’t owe anyone the time of her day, but she could see how Shelby’s eyes sparkled with hope, and she could see how much Shelby’s whole body was buzzing with that nervous energy. 

Whatever it was, best if she got rid of it, Toni thought, and so she extended an olive branch. 

“Okay, let’s go.”

They walked in silence for a long stretch, to the point that anxiety was starting to creep onto Toni’s too, her mind running with different scenarios of what Shelby might want to say to her. Did she even actually had something to say, or was it all a plot to get Toni riled up even more? 

Shelby had opened her mouth a few times already but no sound had come out and Toni was growing increasingly impatient. 

Despite the cynical curiosity, Toni respected Shelby’s silence and waited for her to be ready. The road back was quite long and it was not like Toni had much to look forward to going back to her foster fam’s house. 

It was only when they spotted Miranda’s front porch that Shelby finally spoke. 

“I don’t exactly know how to start with this-”

“No shit.” Toni snorted but then quickly her gaze fell apologetically, she didn’t mean to mock Shelby or cut her off right when she had finally found the courage.

To Toni’s surprise though, Shelby chuckled back, “Yeah, I’m really bad at this uh? Look, there’s no excuse for how I acted at the party that night, and the things I told you outside… I’m really sorry about it, Toni, please believe me.”

Toni shrugged, trying to act nonchalantly, “Even if I believe you, what’s gonna change? You still think I’m a living sin.”

“I don’t-” Shelby immediately shook her head, “I don’t hate you, Toni… you get that right?”

Toni pursed her lips and clenched her teeth, “You actually do though, you’re just in desperate denial about it.”

“Denial?” Shelby laughed humorlessly, “You know, for someone who claims not to care at all you sure spend a lot of time judging, and doesn’t matter what I’m trying to tell you cause, well…” Shelby lowered her gaze, “you just think I’m an asshole.”

Contrary to whatever Shelby was thinking, Toni whistled amusedly, “You say your prayers with that mouth, Texas?”

The walls seemed to start cracking and they both dared to think that perhaps not everything was lost.

Shelby glanced at the house, then back at Toni, “I gotta show you something, come in?” 

Toni followed in silence, willing more questions to wait, and walked to the attic with Shelby. They were again surrounded by boxes and dusty old furniture; they had worked on it a bit, clearing up some of the old stuff, but they were so many that it seemed nothing really had changed since the last time Toni visited.

Shelby searched around until she found what she was looking for and, before Toni understand what was going on, the worn copy of _Unanswered Prayers_ was between her hands. An eyebrow rose as she assessed the book, but before Toni could question Shelby, the blonde inhaled deeply and spoke. 

“There was a girl back in Texas, my best friend Becca- we were really close and I uhm… I think I mistook what we had for more than friendship,” Shelby swallowed trickily, “I kissed her. Her parents found out and they told my parents and well-”

Shelby frowned, eyeing the book between Toni’s hands, pondering how to continue. The brunette was staring at her silently, a shadow of deep concern cast on her face.

When the blonde didn’t resume, Toni slowly stepped forward, careful not to invade Shelby’s personal space, “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Your parents kicked you out?”

Shelby sunk her teeth on her lower lip painfully, clenching her jaw before looking back at Toni’s dark eyes.

“Not exactly. My mom convinced my dad to let me come here, Miranda’s his sister, he uhm- he wanted to send me somewhere else.” 

Toni didn’t need to hear anything else, as soon as Shelby’s gaze fell down again she understood exactly what had gone down. 

“Shit Shelby- I’m so sorry.” 

Shelby shook her head vehemently, trying to fight back the tears, “No, it’s me Toni, I am sorry- I had no right to judge you or anyone else, not when I-” a sob wracked her body, “god I’m such a mess.”

Shelby felt her legs give out, and she was sure she would’ve fallen to her knees if a pair of steady arms didn’t catch her on time. Toni’s familiar smell and warmth embraced her and Shelby finally let herself cry against Toni’s chest.

Toni breathed deeply, in and out, trying to calm the sudden anger that was threatening to tear at the seams and spill out.  Shelby hadn't even needed to say it out loud for her to understand where her shitty father wanted to send her. Toni's hands balled into fists but then, feeling Shelby’s body shudder against her own, she willed herself to calm down and started to stroke Shelby’s back up and down as gently as she could, whispering soothing things to her ear. 

The last thing she needed was for Shelby to freak out after such a loaded confession. It was clear that Shelby had so much going on inside her head, a raging war between what the others expected from her, what they demanded her to be and what she truly wanted and who she was. Toni knew it was not going to be easy, Shelby had to unlearn what had been fed to her for such a long time and believe that she was worthy of loving and to be loved back, but Shelby was going to make it. 

Hell, Toni thought, she was surely safer with Miranda than whatever bullshit conversion camp her father wanted to bury her in. 

Toni slowly drove them to the small couch that was huddled in a corner of the attic, uncaring about the dust and sat down, still holding Shelby close to her. The sobs had calmed down, but Toni didn’t want to force Shelby to speak again. If she still needed to borrow that little safety and strength that Toni's presence could provide, she would let Shelby take it all. 

It might have been just a couple of minutes or an hour when Shelby’s face emerged again, her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and her cheeks were red and marked by the tears. 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-” at Toni’s confused gaze she added, “your hoodie, it's a bit damp.”

Toni shrugged with a chuckle, “It’s fine Shelby, really I don’t care.” then her expression sobered up, “How are you feeling?”

Shelby licked her dry lips and glanced at the attic as if the empty air and cluttered space could give her an answer.

“I don’t know.” she surrendered, shoulders slumping, “I never said that to anyone else.”

“Your aunt?”

Shelby’s eyes rolled at Toni but not unkindly, “She knows but I didn’t really need to tell her.”

Toni furrowed her brow, “That book you gave me- what was that about?”

Shelby rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the stinging sensation of salty tears off.

“She wrote it. There was much more to her story than I ever knew,” Shelby looked at Toni, the brunette was already staring back at her with a warm and deep gaze, “I guess we’re more alike than I imagined.” Shelby smiled shyly.

*******

Toni couldn’t exactly pinpoint why she had decided to remain by Shelby’s side that afternoon. Maybe it was because she could see how fragile that newfound truth rendered Shelby, like an exposed nerve, she moved and spoke carefully as if she was trying not to upset the whole universe anymore. 

The universe or her God, Toni didn’t know. 

She took the book, promising Shelby she would read it back at home, but then put it aside to try and communicate her a silent message: Shelby was not Miranda and her aunt’s life didn’t have to be her own. 

Shelby, on her part, seemed content enough to chat right about anything that came to her mind but without letting go of Toni. If her head was no on Toni’s shoulder, then it was their thighs touching or their hands brushing together. Toni let her feed off the comfort she could provide. 

They moved from the stuffy attic to the well-lit living room. It was like the floodgates were open now, an invisible but thick wall had finally crumbled. Shelby talked about Texas much more freely, about her younger siblings, even a few tidbits about Becca, and Toni listened for however long Shelby needed to. She offered Shelby back small glimpses of her life in the foster system, mentions of previous families and how often Martha and the Blackburns had been her only safe refuge. It was a time before the other girls came into the picture, before Fatin and Dot’s apartment, before Nora recommended Toni to the manager at the coffee place and gained her a job. She told Shelby more about Sammy and how much Toni wanted to get him away from that house, or at least from Brian.  Shelby listened too, smiling to the tender moments and gently stroked her thumb against Toni’s palm, their fingers intertwining like pieces of a puzzle finally finding their rightful place.

When the front door closed with a loud noise they both jumped to find Miranda at the entrance. 

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

Toni smiled politely, “It’s okay Miranda, Shelby and I were just talking.” 

Miranda looked at both of them with a knowing grin but didn’t inquire further, “Would you like to stay for dinner, Toni?”

Toni glanced outside, noticing it was dark for the first time, “Oh shit it must be late. Thank you Miranda, but I can’t really stay,” she turned to Shelby apologetically, “Martha’s been blowing up my phone and Sammy’s at her place.”

Shelby nodded and stood up while Toni collected her jacket, “I can drive you.”

“Shelby it’s fine-”

“Toni, it’s dark and cold outside, not to mention quite far from Martha’s place. Let me drive you, please.” 

Toni looked between Shelby and Miranda, she felt like a girl asking a parent permission to take their daughter out. Miranda smiled encouragingly at Toni and looked at Shelby with something akin to pride.

“Guess we're going then.”

*******

Shelby drove in silence, following Toni’s direction and only letting the random music on the radio come between them. When she parked almost in front of Martha’s house and killed the engine, Toni felt the air thicken between them again but not unpleasantly this time.

Shelby was staring ahead of her and Toni bit her lower lip, unsure of what to say. What was needed to say anyway? 

“Thank you for today… for taking the time with me and- just listening.” Shelby finally broke the quiet, turning to face Toni, “I apologize if that was a lot to take in.”

Toni frowned at the words, “Shelby, you don’t have to do that.” she cleared her throat at the blonde’s confused expression, “Apologize for what you’ve gone through or the way you feel or— who you are.”

Shelby smiled genuinely, “I might need to work on that part a bit more.”

Toni reached to take one of Shelby’s hands and brought it to her lips to leave the faintest kiss on the back of it, “There’s nothing wrong with who you are, Shelby. Who you are is beautiful and good and— why would you be punished for just loving?”

Shelby swallowed and raised her hand to brush a lock of dark curls behind Toni’s ear, then slowly she caressed her cheek and Toni leaned into her touch, “You’re not a curse, and fuck those who try to make you feel like it.” 

Shelby chuckled at the expletive and then stared again at those deep brown eyes intensely. If Toni read the desire behind Shelby’s green irises, she still willed herself to be patient, to wait until Shelby was—

In a fluttering blink, Shelby’s lips were on hers. The hint of a kiss until Toni pushed back delicately, afraid to ruin the moment.

The kiss was soft and yet it managed to ignite a fire inside both of them. Toni wanted to grasp Shelby’s neck and pull her even closer, feed the hunger of her that she felt kicking at the pit of her stomach, but she didn’t. Instead, she waited for Shelby to tilt her head slightly to the side and change the angle of the kiss. Still soft, still faint, Toni only followed her pace. Their lips finding each other's like they knew already, in a slow and almost ritual pattern of push and pull. 

When Shelby brushed the tip of her nose against Toni’s, the brunette opened her eyes and matched the smile that was playing at Shelby’s lips.

“I might be cursed actually,” Shelby joked, “because now I’m sure I’ll want nothing more than to kiss you again.” 

Toni laughed in relief. In a minute she would have to leave the car, get inside the house, Sammy would come running at her legs and Martha would ask a million questions. 

But it would all happen in a minute; in the spare time Toni still had, she kissed Shelby again. 

Yeah, everything could wait a minute more - she thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long chapter here where quite a few things happen, eh?
> 
> I hope you liked it and if you feel like letting me know, drop me a line or come find me on twt (@ClexaIn) for any questions or anything else really.
> 
> A few of you have mentioned in the previous comments that you were pretty sure of what was in the book, so either you guessed it right or, if not, I hope the revelation didn't disappoint you at least :')
> 
> One thing more, shoutout to the person who picked up the various reference to Princess Cyd, a really nice Indie-LGBTQ movie that really echoes in this ff. Go check it out if you haven't <3
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read and see ya next time!


	12. part 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shelby blinked in confusion at the confession, but Fatin just grinned widely, “You’re here now. It doesn’t need to be your life back there and your life here… it’s just your life Shelby, alright?”
> 
> Fatin squeezed Shelby’s shoulder encouragingly, “Whatever is going on between you and Toni it's your business- just don’t give a chance to your past to ruin it.”
> 
> And Shelby knew exactly what she wanted to do.
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Shelby fucks up but then she makes up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves <3 I hope to find you all well and having a good day. 
> 
> Hope you like this new chapter and I'll see you at the end ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

** 11. **

Everything changed and yet remained the same. 

The world was still spinning on its axe and the laws of gravity didn’t suddenly disappear and the sky was still blue over everyone’s head. God didn’t unleash a terrible punishment on humanity and Earth didn’t open up to swallow Shelby whole, no matter how part of her brain kept telling her she deserved it. 

But there was something else, that something that always simmered at the pit of her stomach and was now threatening to spill over the surface and told her that no, there was nothing wrong with liking girls, with kissing them.

_God kissing Toni_ — Shelby felt her cheeks heating up at the simple thought of it. The feeling was exhilarating and her heart fluttered inside her chest.

Toni had been so patient and calm, her reassuring presence a balm against Shelby’s reproaching mind. Each kiss a small but deep reminder that she truly didn’t need to apologize for being herself, for wanting, for loving. 

And Shelby believed her, abandoning every vicious voice in her head speaking about flames and Hell and her father hidden threats, it all surrendered to Toni’s hands. Let them be crushed not by the weight of her guilt, but by soft lips and gentle hands caressing her face. 

Shelby didn’t utter a prayer that night, the blissful sensation in her chest all she could think about. It seemed unreal that her lips could ask for forgiveness to God, when all she wanted was to bury her face in Toni’s neck and then kiss her and kiss her until sleep forced her to stop. 

A flash of Becca crossed her mind. A fondness that too often Shelby had quietened down as friendship. She knew that Becca most likely did not feel that way about her — sure, she loved Shelby, but even if she liked girls it didn’t mean she liked Shelby _like that_ — and Becca was not Toni. 

Shelby doubted she would’ve ever done the same she’d done with Toni with Becca. Nonetheless, Becca's presence had come onto Shelby like a blessing, opening the Pandora box just a bit to let Shelby see what was inside.  And wasn’t that a sin already? Just a twisted version of Adam and Eve, a way to make her feel guilty for wanting somethign different, for desiring… for _loving_?

Toni didn’t bother to simply lift the lid though, she had burst through Shelby's defences, destroying the dam without a second thought and now Shelby was purely blinded by the sight. And Toni’s hand lingered there, towards Shelby, as if saying _‘this is your Eden. Now come get it’_

*******

Toni plopped down the chair of the library with a sigh and _Unanswered Prayers_ in front of her. 

“Okay, I gave this bad bitch a read and not bad, really not bad, and that ending? Man, that was pure poetry. They way they end up together despite all and how they raise that little kid.” she trailed on, “I never knew Miranda could be so cool. Imagine how sick it would be if they got to meet each other again like right now, at this point of life? And fall in love again? That would be such a cool fucking movie love story kinda thing.”

Shelby registered the enthusiasm but didn't move and when her reply didn't come, Toni finally realized from her deadly serious face that something was going on. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” her light-hearted tone sobered up. 

When the blonde still remained silent, Toni reached out to touch her hand on the table but Shelby snatched away as quickly as their skins met. 

“Did you tell someone? Anyone?” she finally hissed out, looking around suspiciously despite the school library being almost empty. 

“What?” Toni blinked in confusion.

Shelby started fidgeting with the cross necklace, “About the whole— about…” at Toni blank stare she snapped, “Martha told me you’ve spent the weekend there, did you tell her?”

“No!” Toni finally spat back, “Fuck, I would never!”

Shelby dared to glance at her, Toni was staring back with hurt and offense etched on her face and Shelby suddenly felt guilty.

“Jesus Shelby, what the fuck?”

Shelby’s jaw twitched, “Right- cause you’re that ashamed.”

Toni scoffed, “No, you are obviously the one with the shame.” she pinched the bridge of her nose, “Look, I get it if you need time to figure yourself out or accept who you truly are, I'm not gonna lecture you how long that should take or why it's important, but you don’t get to project your fears and doubts onto me.”

Shelby opened her mouth to counter, saying that she was not trying to guilt trip Toni into anything, but the hardness on the brunette’s face paired with the inevitable slugging feeling of shame Shelby felt creeping left her silent.

Toni kept staring at her hard, brown eyes shifting everywhere on the blonde’s face trying to find an explanation for the sudden outburst. When she came up empty she sighed to herself and scraped the chair against the floor loudly.

“I don’t think I can study today, I’ve got other stuff to do. I guess I’ll see you around Shelby.” 

Shelby wanted to stop her, she wanted to force the words out of her throat and apologize, but Toni was walking away without looking back.

And Shelby was left alone, once again, at the mercy of her dark-clouded thoughts. 

*******

Fatin threw her head back in a laugh, tears at the corner of her eyes for whatever Dot had just said; Leah looked equally amused but contained herself from doubling over. 

Shelby looked at them from afar and took a deep breath before deciding to approach. Whatever she wanted to say still felt foreign to herself, the words at the tip of her tongue heavy. But she just knew she needed to do it.  She was not sure how much she had messed up things with Toni — _yet again_ — and she knew talking to the other girls could only make so much amend, but she had to start somewhere. 

Fatin’s laugh died down when Shelby cleared her throat, and suddenly three pair of eyes were on her. 

“Hey Shelby, what’s up dude?” Dot offered an olive branch and Shelby smiled gratefully at her.

She couldn’t consider Dot a proper friend yet, but surely she was the one that had known Shelby for longer and the one that had vouched for her.

“Hey Dottie, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a minute?” Shelby dared a glance at both Fatin and Leah as well, “All of you actually.”

Fatin looked at her with a mix of genuine curiosity and disbelief, while Leah’s gaze was closer to mistrust altogether. Shelby only dared to imagine what had been said behind her back after the party. Not that she could blame them after all. 

“I realized that what happened to the party was messed up and unfair to everyone.” Shelby started hesitantly.

“To say the least.” Leah scoffed and Dot slapped her arm, “What?”

“Let her speak.” she hushed Leah’s complaint. 

Shelby looked truly apologetic and she kept shifting her weight from one feet to the other.

“Look, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come across as hateful or-” the word got stuck in her throat against Shelby’s best effort, “or…”

_Goddamn it! Just say it, say it, please say it._

“A raging homophobic bitch?” Fatin offered candidly, much to Dot and Leah’s bewilderment, “What? Too much? I thought that was appropriate.” 

Shelby lowered her gaze and chuckled, despite the harsh words. Maybe that was what she actually needed for once. 

“Yeah,” she said in airy laugh, her eyes back on Fatin, “exactly that.”

“Your hesitation doesn’t give me much reason to believe you, but I also don’t really know you, so I’m willing to be proved wrong a second time before canceling forever, you know.” Leah replied sincerely. 

Fatin laughed and shook her head in amusement, “Oh god, if that’s as close as Leah believing you that you can get, I guess I’m in for a second chance too.” 

"Have you spoken with Toni?" Leah continued to everyone's surprise, shrugging the questioning gazes off, “She seemed more upset about the whole thing than we were.”

Shelby’s heart clenched at the revelation. She had known deep down that it was true, but hearing it out loud was a different thing. 

“Toni and I spoke, we’re good.” 

In all truth Shelby had no idea if they really were after their last encounter, but she could only brace for one thing at a time. 

Dot also gave a shrug, “Shelby we’ve been town mates, school mates and whatever, but we weren’t really friends so I’m not gonna pretend I know you better or some shit, but I guess if you mean it then I don’t really have a reason to doubt you.” 

Shelby nodded eagerly, “Yes Dottie, I swear-”

“Listen pageant princess,” Fatin interrupted, “we’re fine with forgiving you, and Martha and Toni somehow seem to have a soft spot for you, so pull yourself together and none of that shit again, we good?”

“We good.” Shelby confirmed surely. 

“Great!” Fatin smiled, side hugging Shelby and slipping her hand in the crook of Leah’s arm, “Now let’s go to the cafeteria, it’s pizza day and the only time they actually have decent food.” 

After lunch, before Shelby could run her next class, Fatin pulled her aside from the girls.

“You know Texas, I don’t know who you were back home or why you’re here, Dot said that your family was pretty strict and very Jesus adoring like, but truth be told you don’t seem a bad person and you’re not a bad hang.”

Shelby blinked in confusion at the confession, but Fatin just grinned widely, “You’re here now. It doesn’t need to be your life back there and your life here… it’s just your life Shelby, alright?”

Fatin squeezed Shelby’s shoulder encouragingly, “Whatever is going on between you and Toni it's your business- just don’t give a chance to your past to ruin it.”

And Shelby knew exactly what she wanted to do.

*******

Shelby approached Martha’s house with a nervous step. She heard the bounce of the basketball before she could even see the court and, sure as the sun, Toni was there playing. 

A spontaneous smile lit up Shelby’s face. Toni was surrounded by children trying to rip the ball from her and they all seemed to be having fun. The brunette was laughing and jerking her body in every direction to dodge the eager hands; it seemed more like a strange game of football than basketball. 

A child finally snatched the ball from Toni and the group started to run towards the other basket, Toni picked up the boy — Sammy, Shelby recognized — and lifted him up as much as she could for an easy hoop. The children all cheered with the swoosh of the net and Sammy flung his tiny arms around Toni’s neck. 

When Sammy looked up and spotted the blonde, he started waving manically, “Shelby!” he called.

Toni instantly tensed and turned around, her face betrayed surprise and confusion. Sammy kicked to get down from his step-sister and immediately started running towards the blonde.

“Hey little one.” Shelby crouched down to meet him at the same height and ruffled his hair, “It’s good to see you.” 

Sammy nodded happily, “These are my friends.” he pointed vaguely behind his back, “Toni is our coach today!"

Before Shelby could answer, Toni walked over, “Sammy go back playing, I'll be there in a second.”

“But-” the child tried to protest but Toni shook her head, patting him on the head gently.

“Older people stuff, buddy, okay? Now go play, I'll be back.”

Sammy pouted but waved goodbye to Shelby and did as he was told. 

“What are you doing here?” there was no anger in Toni's voice, only a quiet resentment and Shelby tried not to dwell too much on it.

“Finishing a school project with Martha and hoping to see you.” 

Toni quirked an eyebrow, “Well you’ve seen me now, what about it?”

Shelby bit her lower lip, “It was wrong of me to doubt you and to accuse you the other day.”

“You don’t say.” Toni scoffed, but she leaned her weight against Shelby's car, hands inside the pocket of her worn sweatpants, to listen. 

“Look Toni, I never- for the longest time I truly thought there was something wrong with me, I’ve been taught that this... desire, these feelings were unnatural, and I had to shove it all down and every time this… truth came back I was quick to blame the other person. All of it just so I would feel right or pure or— I don’t even know.”

Shelby licked her lips and snuck a hand to catch one of Toni’s between her own, their fingers lazily intertwining, “It’s different with you.” Shelby sighed, more contently than anything though, like the pain and the struggle was finally worth it, “You’re this fiery, passionate person and you’re so free and I- the more I am around you, the more I understand I can’t just pretend it’s not real or wrong.” Shelby felt her eyes watering but remained steady, “How can it be wrong when it feels so right?”

Toni brushed off the only tear rolling down Shelby’s cheek and gently bumped their foreheads together, finally there was the hint of a smile on her lips.

“I’m really struggling between wanting to kiss you right here right now, and hearing you say more nice things about me.”

Shelby chuckled and brushed the tip of her nose against Toni’s affectionately, “There are a lot of kids around, maybe we should think about them.” 

“Oh yeah, the kids of course.” 

Toni’s voice was down to a whisper, and Shelby had to use all of her willpower not to give in to the temptation to pull Toni closer than ever possible and kiss her until their lungs gave out. 

She remembered her mother explaining compromise when she was little — halfway happy, that’s how she had called it —, so Shelby kissed the corner of Toni’s mouth and pulled away. Yes, halfway happy will have to do for that moment.

“Let’s go on a date.”

“What?” Toni blinked taken aback, putting a little more distance between her and Shelby.

“I said-”

“I heard what you said, I just don’t know if you mean it.”

“I do.” Shelby reassured, "It’s tiring having to hide, or feeling ashamed for just listening to what you want. And I want this Toni, I want to go out with you.” 

Toni stared at her deeply, absorbing the words and their meaning. There was much more that Shelby was trying to convey with that simple but loaded confession.

“Okay.” she said in the end.

“Okay?” Shelby repeated.

“Yeah, let’s go on a date.” 

“Just like that?” 

“What? Too easy for you, princess?” Toni laughed not unkindly, “It’s only a big deal if we make it out to be.” she winked, “Now go finish up that project with Martha, I’ve got a mini team to train here.” 

Shelby smiled to herself watching Toni run back to the children. Yeah, the road ahead was long, but maybe she didn’t have to walk it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't we just love to see Shelby starting to accept herself and her feelings more and more? Spoiler: we do!
> 
> I also really wanted a moment for her to apologize to the girls and put things more in perspective.
> 
> Jokes aside, I hope you liked the chapter and feel free to drop me a line if you have questions or just wanna chat, I promise I try to reply to everyone :) (if u want u can find me on twitter @ClexaIn)
> 
> Cheers!


	13. part 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And maybe it was because they were at least one town away from Hopewell Lake and no one knew them there, or maybe Shelby just really didn’t have it in her to care anymore, she clasped her hands behind Toni’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss.
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where shoni goes on a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my loves, how are you doing?
> 
> I hope you're all well and doing good. 
> 
> Here is my humble offer of a new chapter. Hope you'll like it ;)

**12.**

“Seriously? A blindfold? Just say you’re gonna murder me Shelby and let’s get it over with.”

Shelby rolled her eyed good-naturedly even though Toni couldn’t see her, “Shut up, grumpy. We’re almost there.”

She parked the pickup and looked around to make sure she was in the right place. 

“We drove for like an hour but no one would have come to look for my body any mfph-”

Shelby pressed a hand to Toni’s mouth to silence her, “If you don’t stop, I’ll duck tape you and then we would really look suspicious.” 

Toni grinned in Shelby’s general direction, “Promise?”

The blonde huffed a laugh, “You’re impossible, Toni Shalifoe.”

Toni shrugged amusedly, “So are you gonna let me out of the car or?”

Shelby finally kicked into motion, jumping out of the pickup and helping Toni with the door.

“You ready?” she whispered in the brunette’s ear.

“As much as I can be.”

The blindfold dropped and Toni shielded her eyes from the sun, “Ah shit…” she blinked a few times to adjust and her face went through a mix of emotions. 

Puzzlement, curiosity, wonder— “This- this is…”

Shelby smiled sweetly, her gaze solely focused on Toni, “No need for a permission slip this time.” 

And Toni looked at her with so much amazement that Shelby felt her cheeks grow hotter by the second. The brunette bit her lower lip to stop herself from doing something impulsive like kissing Shelby in public and just decided to pull her in a hug. 

“Thanks, I love it.” she whispered in Shelby’s ear.

Shelby chuckled, “We haven’t even been inside yet.”

“You remembered,” Toni stroked Shelby’s cheeks with her thumbs, fingers gently combing the stray blonde hairs behind Shelby’s ear, “That’s enough.” 

And maybe it was because they were at least one town away from Hopewell Lake and no one knew them there, or maybe Shelby just really didn’t have it in her to care anymore, she clasped her hands behind Toni’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

Kissing Toni always filled her with elation. It felt like a cool breeze in a Texan heatwave, an overjoying need and Shelby soaked it all in. The taste of Toni’s lips on her own, the tip of her tongue teasing but never demanding, and her hands planted on Shelby’s hips, grasping and eager but also delicate as if she was handling something precious.

When they both gasped for air, Toni took a second more to brush the tip of her nose against Shelby’s, and then pulled the blonde along by the hand, “Should we go in? Wouldn’t want to get too much attention.”

*******

Shelby watched as Toni intently read the panel with all the activities and exhibitions of the Bell Museum, patiently waiting for the brunette to choose where to go first. 

they bounced from one exhibition to the other, getting lost into the numerous rooms and Shelby renounced to try and guide them through the guests' path. Toni studied every little thing in front of her with the excitement of a child and Shelby’s heart clenched for her, at the sheer enthusiasm of being allowed to touch and wander around and just be there in the moment. 

She still didn’t know much about Toni’s previous families, only bits and pieces the brunette felt comfortable enough to share with her, but Shelby understood that she had been dealt a rough hand. Still, Toni pulled through. Martha had mentioned more than once how calmer Toni seemed to be lately, and she was finally talking about college like a tangible possibility. 

“Coach Young says the scholarship is in my pocket already, but I don’t believe him.” Toni had told Shelby once, “Nothing is in my pocket until I can touch it.”

They never talked about Shelby going back to Texas, not even when Shelby received messages or calls from her family.  Toni didn’t want to push her luck and Shelby had never felt Texas farther away than while she rested in Toni’s arms.

“Hey, Planetarium show isn’t for another hour or so, would you like to go get some food?”

Shelby nodded, suddenly back to reality, and followed Toni blindly along the maze of corridors. 

“I never knew Minnesota to be so beautiful,” Shelby commented while scrolling through the pictures she had taken on her phone. They were having lunch next to one of the concession stands outside the museum, “That history of the land exhibition was amazing.” 

Toni nodded through a bite of her burger and cleaned her fingers on a napkin, “Princess never been out of her shell?” she teased.

Shelby cocked an eyebrow at her, “We have quite a lot going on in Texas already.”

“So what? You never felt the need to… explore? Know more?” Toni sighed dreamily and relaxed against the back of her seat, “Marty and I- we used to run away all the time when we were little. I think for her it was more the fun of it but for me… god, I really wanted to disappear at times.”

Shelby glanced at Toni sympathetically, “That bad, uh?”

“I just wanted something mine, you know?” Toni shrugged absentmindedly, “Going from one foster fam to the other, you hardly have something to call yours. Control becomes a fucking fantasy because what’s there to control?”

Shelby reached for Toni’s hand on the table and took it between hers, Toni checked her face scared to find pity, but there was none. Shelby was looking at her with genuine interest and so openly that Toni couldn’t help but curl her fingers with Shelby’s. 

“I couldn’t control my mom’s addiction. Even when she came back from rehab, it was just for a few weeks before she was in again. I couldn’t control the foster system… some fams were nice enough, others well- I guess I’m not an easy person myself.”

“Don’t do that, Toni. You don’t have to blame yourself for it.”

“I’m not,” Toni furrowed her eyebrows, searching the best way to express the words on the tip of her tongue, “but it’s true Shelby,” she locked her brown eyes with Shelby’s green ones, “I’m not easy.”

Shelby caressed the back of Toni’s hand with her thumb, “I’m not looking for easy,” then she smiled bashfully, “I guess none of us really is.”

Toni smiled back cheekily, “I knew we had something in common after all.” 

*******

Toni held Shelby’s hand all the way through the show at the Planetarium and Shelby didn’t hesitate to agree when Toni asked if they could watch it again. Seeing Toni’s amazement and the pure happiness on her face filled Shelby with warmth and tenderness. 

The woman at the entrance noticed their intertwined hands and smiled at them on the way out, recommending a few good items at the souvenir shop.  Shelby got Toni a sky map guide and only shrugged when Toni looked at her with a surprised gaze, “What? You insisted to pay for our lunch.” 

Toni studied the map excitedly during the ride back, pointing out all the cool details she found scattered, “This is gonna come so handy for our road trip this summer.”

Shelby turned the radio down — _Chasing Cars_ by Snow Patrol becoming a pleasant hum inside the pick-up.

“What do you mean our road trip this summer?”

“Oh!” Toni snapped her eyes up and carefully folded the map on her lap, “I guess the girls still haven’t said anything. Fatin and Leah were planning to go camping and Dot suggested we could tag along and make it a road _and_ camping trip together.”

“Who’s we?”

“The girls, Martha, you, I,” Toni shrugged, “the twins, if Rachel is off-season and they wanna join.”

“So all of us?”

“Yes,” Toni chuckled exasperated, “all of us, Shelby. You know you’re part of the group now.”

“That was not what I meant…”

Toni furrowed her brow, “Then what?”

Shelby bit her lower lip, her eyes never leaving the road in front of her, “I don’t even know if I’ll be here this summer. My dad, he hasn’t— I just don’t know.”

“Oh…” Toni sobered up, a shadow crossing her face, “Right, yeah, of course… you gotta go back to your family.”

Shelby set her jaw, hating the gloomy feeling descending like a heavy weight on her shoulders again especially after such a carefree day, after breathing into the freedom that Toni brought to her life. 

“It’s not like I have to,” she gritted her teeth, “I said that I don’t know.” 

Toni narrowed her eyes at the harsher tone, swallowing down the usual coiling of anger at the pit of her stomach. She knew that Shelby was not truly mad or refusing her, the frustration aimed at her father, at her life of hiding and fake-perfect lies. 

“It’s okay.” Toni soothed, her hand resting on top of Shelby’s on the gear shift, “We’ll figure it out, Shelb.”

Shelby nodded stiffly more to herself than Toni. She didn’t want to finish off their date just like that, but she could feel the uncomfortable feeling of disappointing her father, of shaming him and the Lord crawling up her spine.

“Where do I have to drop you off?”

And Toni sighed and let her hand drop in defeat, “My place is just fine.” 

When Shelby pulled up and killed the engine, they remained in silence for a few seconds more.

Toni’s head buzzed with the strange sensation of a deja-vu, it was a good while back, in a different car with a different girl and different scenario. She tried to remind herself that Shelby was not Regan and whatever happened in Toni's past didn't have to repeat all over again.

Had she just ruined everything again by being too forward? By daring to hope for a bit more? More time with Shelby, more happiness, more-

“Thank you for today.” Toni spoke without even realizing it, “It was amazing, really Shelby.”

Shelby eyed her uncertainly, her shoulders less tense than before while Toni jumped down the pickup and raised her hand from the window, “Later then.” 

Only when Shelby registered that Toni was walking away, something jolted inside her and she rushed out of the pick-up.

“Toni! Wait!”

Toni turned around alarmed at the urgency of the tone and almost stumbled back when Shelby’s entire weight crashed against her. Shelby crumpled the collar or Toni’s jacket in her fists and pulled her in for a bruising kiss.  There was nothing of the softness of that morning, only a desperate desire to show Toni how sorry she was and how much she wished for more of everything, more of _them_ too.  Toni kissed back with the same hunger, grasping Shelby’s waist possessively and getting on her tiptoes to savor the blonde’s taste better. 

“I’m sorry,” Shelby whispered between kisses directly on Toni’s lips, parting only enough to let the words slip out, “I didn’t mean to-”

“Shhh.” Toni pressed two fingers against Shelby’s mouth, “You don’t need to say anything.”

She stole another dizzy kiss from the blonde, relishing the way Shelby’s hands framed her face and pushed her as physically close as she could. Toni's whole body responding to the touch, arching and moving to follow Shelby’s movements. The push and pull between them irresistible.

When they gasped for air, Toni took the tiniest step back to smile at Shelby reassuringly.

“I’m not looking for easy either, Shelby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Google says that the Bell Museum (which really exists and is located in St. Paul) has the only dedicated public planetarium in Minnesota! I took it as my best bet that it could be the one Toni was referring to in the show. I also used the possibility to have a bolder Shelby in action since they are away from Hopewell Lake and in a bigger city where people would pay much less attention to them :)
> 
> Thanks y'all for reading and feel free to let me know in the comments what you think about, or come chat with me on twitter if you want (@ClexaIn) <3


	14. part 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re the best part of it.” Toni murmured against Shelby’s mouth.
> 
> “Best part of what?”
> 
> And Toni pulled her in for another short yet intense kiss, “Of everything.”
> 
> -
> 
> or the one where Toni receives more than one surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! 
> 
> I hope y'all are doing good and are ready for a new chapter. More shoni fluff but also well... you'll find out reading ;)
> 
> Catch me at the end of the chapter!

** 13. **

Toni flicked the pen between her fingers nervously, she was struggling with some maths problems and didn’t want to bother Martha for help. 

Her best friend had messaged excitedly to ask Toni about her date with Shelby and Toni couldn’t help the smile spreading on her lips at the mere mentions of the blonde. 

She knew there was still so much for Shelby to figure out and Toni didn't want to get too ahead of herself, scared that she would ruin everything, but the more time she spent with Shelby, knowing her and getting close to her, the more she wanted it. 

A knock on her door interrupted her train of thoughts and Katie’s head peeked in. 

“You’re home then.”

“Uh yeah.” Toni nodded, “You need help with anything?” 

Her attitude had been winding down in the past few weeks and she could see how much that relieved Katie. The woman had started to rely more on Toni and she didn’t dismiss anymore all the hurtful things that Brian did.  Toni didn’t want to claim any merit, but she was glad that her words were starting to get through Katie, for her sake and the other children's, Sammy especially. 

The youngest boy was deeply attached to Toni and often would cling more to her than his own mother even. Katie had confessed to Toni that she didn’t mind it, but that she was worried of Sammy's reaction once Toni would go away to college and then leave the family for good. 

“No.” Katie looked at her somewhat sympathetically, “Look, Toni— there’s something different in you lately, you seem… happy.” 

Toni frowned, unsure of where the conversation was going but decided to trust her guts and be honest, “Yeah, I am. There’s a girl and- it’s early days but I think we’ve got something good together.”

Katie smiled sweetly, “That’s good, I’m glad for you.”

“Katie, what’s going on? What happened?” Toni started to feel panic rising inside her, “Did they assign me to another family?”

“No, none of that.” Katie leaned more against the doorframe and sighed, “We’ve got news about your mother.” 

Toni felt her breath stopping and tried to swallow the lump in her throat, “Is- is she—?”

“She’s okay,” Katie rushed out, “Sorry, I should've started with that. She's fine and actually wrote to us, and there’s something for you too.”

Toni's gaze finally dropped and she noticed the shoebox between the woman’s hands and a letter on top of it.

“I was scared that Brian would take it so I had to wait until he was out.” Katie stepped inside the room and left the box on the neatly made up bed. 

Toni looked at the box with wide eyes, as if it could explode from one second to the other, or if opening it could change her life drastically yet again. Her mother — _her real mother_ — had sent her that. After years of absence, after wounding Toni deep down to scar her forever. What else could be there? 

“What did she want?” Toni asked, her voice quivering. 

Katie shrugged, “I didn't open it. I thought it would be better for you to see yourself. It's still your life, not mine to decide.” 

If there was one thing that Toni appreciated was the absolute privacy that Katie always tried to give her. It wasn't easy, living in such a small house with children around all the time, but whenever something concerned Toni and Toni only, Katie would always make sure to give her space to deal with it. As long as Toni didn't get in trouble, the woman was perfectly happy with leaving Toni just be. Before she could close the door behind her back, Katie turned around to face Toni again.

“Listen Toni, I know that this family cannot give you much, and I know how hypocritical of me it would sound if I told you that you’ll always have a place here.” she looked at Toni with something akin to affection in her eyes, “But you’re a good person who had to deal with shitty situations so young. Sammy adores you and he would follow you anywhere if he could.” 

They both chuckled, knowing the truth behind those words. 

“This life… it has a nick for fucking you up, it makes you believe you’re not worth it when you’re all of that and much more. So I want you to know that if I can help you somehow, I will.” 

Toni remained in silence for a few moments, letting Katie’s words sink in and then nodded gratefully, “Thank you for saying that, Katie.”

*******

Things started to shift in a way that Shelby had not dared to imagine before. 

Being around Toni, _with_ Toni, was easy like breathing. A habit that she didn’t need to learn but would fit seamlessly into her life and just as fulfilling. 

Toni was funny and made Shelby laugh at silly things, like the shape of a car that "I swear! That looks like Marty's uncle!" She showed affection in unconventional ways, like teaching Shelby the perfect posture to score a three-pointer, despite Shelby being terrible at basketball. She was attentive, effortlessly tuning in with Shelby’s needs. Toni knew how to make a mean coffee with Miranda’s french press and she never forgot to add milk and sugar to Shelby’s cup. 

Dinners at Miranda’s started to become a common occurrence during the week, and if Toni was already around, she would help Shelby bake a batch of cookies or homemade cakes. Shelby found out that Toni was not a good baker, and at dinner she would pretend to complain that she had actually been the one doing all the work while Toni was just a taste tester.  She never mentioned to Miranda how much she liked to kiss Toni right after though, wiping off the sweet dough lingering on the brunette's mouth with her tongue. 

Shelby never spoke a word about how one afternoon, during a make out session, Toni had propped her on the kitchen counter, kissing and biting her way down Shelby’s neck. Shelby had felt like putty in her hands and blushed at her own moans but she still urged Toni to go on, to press further against her body, mark her way down. Toni kept the memories for herself, only smirking at Shelby with a mischievous glint in her eyes every time she caught the blonde thinking about it. 

Their week was full of improvised dates started as study sessions. They would easily end up on the couch watching a movie or join the other girls for a bowling night.

There was a small retro arcade in Hopewell Lake where Toni loved to go, and Shelby had spent two weeks making sure to collect enough spare change to afford an entire night out there. Toni had been so ecstatic that night that she even agreed to take funny pictures inside a booth and then kissed Shelby all the way back home.  Shelby kept the little strip of pictures inside _Unanswered Prayers_ , on her bedside, and would look at it at times before falling asleep. The reassurance that Toni was in _it_ with her was always a soothing balm to her doubts and fears.

When she prayed, she didn’t ask God for forgiveness anymore, instead she would whisper a thank you for giving her a chance to find her true self and putting Toni on the path of her life. If he really made all his children in his perfect image and loved them all unconditionally, then Shelby couldn’t see why she should be damned for finding happiness. 

Sometimes, when days were intense and full-on busy, Shelby would stay longer at school until Toni's basketball practice would finish, borrowing books from Nora’s never-ending stash or getting an early start on her homework with Martha, just to spend a little time with Toni afterward. She would wait until Toni finished and then drive her to work or home. 

It was a little routine, small things they did to carve time for each other around their busy schedules. 

Shelby started to hang around the other girls too. Once past the initial animosity, they were all welcoming of her. Fatin and Dot’s apartment was often the designated place to unwind and have fun; and even if Toni and Shelby had not said anything official about their growing relationship, Shelby could swear that Fatin just knew it because she was Fatin. 

Somehow that made perfect sense. 

*******

“So, our resident grumpy player has softened up quite a lot lately. Mind telling me what you know about it?” Fatin asked nonchalantly one day. 

They were having a party and Dot was out to buy alcohol and snacks, while Shelby had offered to help Fatin clean up and prepare the apartment. 

“What do you mean?” Shelby played it cool. 

Fatin rolled her eyes, “Come on Texas, I can smell the sexual tension from here and Toni’s not even around.”

Shelby shrugged, “I’d say your radar is messed up then.” 

“Ugh, Shelby you’re killing me.” Fatin groaned, “Listen no, I know for sure I’m not wrong about this, the least you can do is to drop the dirty details.” she wiggled her eyebrows. 

Shelby flushed immediately and Fatin pointed a finger at her victoriously. 

“Holy shit I knew it! Ah-Ah! No hiding anymore, you and Toni are having some intense lesbian activity uh?”

Shelby involuntarily cringed at the word and Fatin’s expression softened, “Too soon for the l-word?”

Shelby bit her lower lip and took a breath to compose herself, “I- uhm I don’t know, I mean I’m trying and it’s just— with my upbringing, my household in Texas is like very Christian, very much against it… I guess it’s just hard to unlearn everything.”

Fatin squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and spoke more seriously, “Shelby that’s fine, really, no one expects you to hang up a pride flag and kiss your girlfriend at the parade until you figure everything out for yourself.” 

Shelby felt her cheeks reddening again and the heart soar in her chest, “Toni and I are not-”

“Oh save it please.” Fatin waved her off.

“No I mean we never really said that word out loud to each other.”

“Well great,” Fatin threw away a few empty bottles, “tell her tonight, it can be your last-minute birthday gift.” 

Shelby’s eyes widened comically, “Birthday? What birthday?”

“Toni’s sweet eighteen or some shit.”

The blonde blinked completely bewildered, “I had no clue today was- wait she never mentioned a birthday party.”

Fatin rolled her eyes and laughed out loud, “That’s because she doesn’t know about it. It’s a surprise party.” 

“Toni’s into that kinda thing?” Shelby looked dubiously around as if Toni could jump from behind the couch at any time. 

“Not really, no,” Fatin tilted her head to the side, “I mean grumpy will always be grumpy deep down, but Martha said it’s all pretense and she will actually appreciate it, and you’re like our failsafe.”

“Excuse me?” Shelby blinked even more confused. 

“Yeah, like she can’t really be grumpy around you and her best friend, plus you dropping that g-word will send her KO. It’s a perfect plan.”

“Let me get this right, you invited me to my girlfriend’s birthday party without me knowing it was her birthday today or telling her about the party?”

Fatin only gave her a cheshire grin, “See? You’re already getting used to saying it.”

*******

Toni’s tired expression immediately shifted changed to a shocked one when a chorus of people yelled out ‘SURPRISE!’  Her first instinct had been to run away, but then she turned around and found Martha with a wide smile on her face. 

“It’s okay Toni, it’s just us, you deserve this.” Martha left a kiss on her best friend’s cheek and gently pushed her forward.

Toni swallowed and stepped inside the apartment looking at the amused and half expectantly faces staring back at her in a tense silence. 

“Uh guys I don’t really-”

“Shut up bitch or I will revoke your alcohol card tonight if you dare to complain.” Fatin broke out from the group and without a second thought she threw her arms around Toni’s neck for a hug.

“Happy birthday, you useless lesbian.” 

Toni’s body relaxed against Fatin and she let out a laugh, “You’re lucky I adore you, Fatin.” 

Fatin pinched Toni’s hip and scrunched up her nose, “Go take a shower, you stink.” 

Toni waved hello to the others, already busy with filling up their drinks and getting their hands on the food, before her gaze caught Shelby, the blonde seemed relaxed and content.

“Hey there.”

“Hello yourself.” Shelby’s cheeks brightened up when Toni stared at her with an easy smile. 

“So you knew about this?”

Shelby tapped her chin pensively, “Let’s say I helped the girls with it.” then she quirked an eyebrow, “I’ve gotta say awfully rude of my girlfriend not to mention it’s her birthday today.”

Toni chuckled and scratched the back of her head vaguely embarrassed, “Yeah, about that, wait—” she finally clocked in and her eyes widened, “what did you just call me?”

Shelby looked at her mischievously, “You heard me.” and Toni swallowed down heavily.

“Say it again?”

Shelby glanced down for a moment and then walked closer into Toni’s space until they were mere centimeters apart, “I said it’s awfully rude of my girlfriend not to mention her birthday,” she played with the hem of Toni’s navy sweater, “I should have you make it up to me.”

Toni licked her lips at the teasing tone and slowly backed Shelby into a nearby corner, almost completely hidden by the rest of the people. 

“Oh yeah? And what should I do about that?”

Shelby brushed their foreheads together, taking in the slight smell of sweat from basketball practice and something that was just _Toni_.

“I’m sure you can think of something.”

Toni could feel Shelby’s breath on her own lips, sweet and intoxicating, while her hands gently grasped at the blonde’s hips, “I wanna kiss you so bad right now.”

And Shelby all but purred the words out, “So kiss me.” 

*******

The party was starting to wind down when Shelby found Toni sitting on the roof of the apartment. She pushed her body through the small window near the stairs of the apartment and climbed outside too. 

The air of the night was cool and the loud voices from the people inside were muffled. Toni seemed lost in thought while Shelby approached and tensed for a moment when Shelby’s hand touched her left shoulder. 

“Oh hey, it’s you.”

She looked up at Shelby with a relaxed smile while the blonde sat down next to her, close enough but without their bodies touching. Shelby didn’t want to interrupt whatever Toni was doing or thinking about. 

“Are you okay? You kinda snuck off your own party.”

Toni stared at the distance in front of her, the lights of the town surrounding them a stark contrast to the dark shadows of trees, “Is that what it looked like?” she chuckled, “I’m fine, really, and the party was nice.”

“Yeah?” Shelby nudged at her ribs, “Fatin said that you would lose it because you don’t like surprise parties and Martha confessed that you don't really celebrate your birthday.”

Toni sighed and shrugged, turning to Shelby with a soft expression, “It’s not like I hate it, it’s just— it’s been a while since I’ve had any reason to celebrate.” 

Shelby remained in thoughtful silence for a while, then she put a hand on top of Toni’s and waited for the brunette to look at her again. 

“To this year then,” Shelby brought Toni’s hand to her lips and placed a small kiss on her knuckles, “to finding many reasons to celebrate along the way.”

When Toni stared back curiously, Shelby rolled her eyes playfully, “Come on, indulge me, close your eyes now and make a wish or just think about things you’re grateful for in your life, things you look forward to.”

Toni laughed not unkindly and shook her head, “You’re such a dork.” but did as she was asked.

Shelby ignored the comment and gave Toni a few moments to collect her thoughts.

“What now?” Toni asked, her voice dropping to a low whisper with Shelby’s face leaned in so close to hers.

Shelby took her time, brushing away a lock of dark hair from Toni’s face and wetting her own lips with a dart of tongue, “Now, you seal your wish with a kiss.”

Shelby felt Toni’s hushed “Yes ma’am.” directly on her lips, before losing herself to Toni’s sweet taste and soft touch.

Kissing her always felt new and sent a shot of electricity right through Shelby. Toni’s hand raised to cup Shelby’s cheek and then snuck easily behind her neck, tangling in blonde hair and lazily scratching at Shelby’s nape.  Shelby pressed more against her, teeth scraping Toni’s lower lip and then soothing the sting with her tongue.

When they broke apart they were both breathing heavily, forehead against each other and noses brushing.

“You’re the best part of it.” Toni murmured against Shelby’s mouth.

“Best part of what?”

And Toni pulled her in for another short yet intense kiss, “Of everything.” 

With the moon lighting the night in front of them, Toni briefly thought again about the things she was grateful for, what she looked forward to.

Shelby was in each one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again my loves :)
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter as a few more things start to unfold.
> 
> Fun fact: the first part of this chapter was supposed to be in the last one, but since it was already ending on a nice note I've decided to postpone it and put it in this one. Hope you like the idea, I'm still not going to reveal if we're going to see Toni's mom, but we will certainly know a bit more about Toni's past in the next chapters :)
> 
> Ps: my brain is fried atm so forgive mistakes if there are any, i will do one more proofread tomorrow to make sure everything is fine, but also if you notice something feel free to let me know and I'll fix it 
> 
> Come talk to me in the comments if you want or come find me on twitter (@ClexaIn)
> 
> See ya!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, you're back, sup?? :))
> 
> This was just a short prologue to get into the story, more will come with the first actual chapter, but I still hope you liked it and feel free to drop me any comment/question/anything else you might wanna let me know. I promise I'll appreciate every single one.
> 
> I did try to proofread it several times, but as English is not my first language I might have missed something, feel free to point it out and I'll try to fix it as soon as possible.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read it and I shall see you soon (hopefully)


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